I put in yesterday’s entry about my need to go to the airport in the morning. I spent 1.5 hours shoveling snow just to clear the sidewalk and the entrance to our garage. Kathy’s sis’s car was piled with snow so I also needed to get it ready so they could leave as soon as we got back to the house. All of this went smoothly. We hadn’t been home only about 15 minutes when Kathy said someone was outside. I looked out to see our neighbor from across the road in our driveway with his tractor. He was clearing our entire drive. Wow, what a nice man! We then went to our friend’s home to be with our loved one who is closer to heaven than here. We joined another couple and sang hymns that our friend had requested. 

As I journaled this morning I was reminded that God wants to use you and me for HIs glorious purposes. He wants us to ask Him how He wants us to invest our lives? I use to think I needed to invest myself in doing God’s work through the church so I could hopefully earn His favor so He’d take away the memories of my past as well as the temptations that haunted me in the present. I write about this often, but then God wants me, compels me, to write this so any reader who may struggle similarly can know God will use you just as He does me if you will let Him. Taking the step of faith is SO difficult, but SO WORTH IT! God has a plan for you just as He does for me. “Let Him have His way with thee.”

Well, the snow storm hit. We now have 15-18″ of snow on the level. There is no wind so I’m truly grateful for that. The temperature is in the teens rather than single digit which I also appreciate. We have to head to the airport in 2 hours to get Kathy’s sis and niece. They have been on a buying trip for her sis’s store in Joseph, OR. I have no idea what road conditions are like, but just getting out of our driveway may be our biggest challenge! Church is cancelled for the day. The office had given out a warning email when this storm was being predicted so I’m hoping everyone got it and stays home.

One of my Christmas presents was a book about shame. It’s title is: The Soul of Shame. I use to live in shame almost continuously. The need to hide my past was driven by this topic. The book has many stories about one’s who have battled this. Even though I don’t relate to what drives the shame some stories tell, what shame does to its owner is the same. 

What is so blessed amazing to me is that I now read this book understanding what the author is telling, but its grip on me is now gone. Sure, there are moments that are raw just from the truth of them, but the grip to hide it is no longer there. The amazing work of Christ on the Cross, burying our sins and those done to us, is incredible. Once I was able to speak out loud and to write out the tormenting evil within me; and lastly, find Jesus in it, I began to find the shackles fading away. 

God is so GOOD. Giving us His Son and to also give us His Holy Spirit is a GIFT beyond anything man can comprehend. Yet, when we allow them to daily be our motivation, our comfort, our peace, we can live letting God use all of our story for HIS GLORY!

Winter has arrived. Listening to the news it sounds like this is true for our entire country. However, it is mid January and for us in S. Idaho, we need all of the snow we can get for our water supply this coming year. I thank God for it. There is a major storm that hit yesterday which blanketed us with 6″ of new snow here in the valley. Today we are to get that much more (plus) but it will be accompanied with 30-40 mph winds. Along with this, the temperature is dropping to single digits. All of this is fine for me, I’ve just needed to do counseling over the phone or delay the sessions for the coming week. 

Yesterday I wrote about taking this time to reflect. It is always important to do this and to do it regularly. This morning as I began this time I was very quickly reminded how fragile moments like yesterday morning are. The devotional time was so peaceful and nice. Then, the temptations began. I seemed to battle them much of the day. This morning as I began to pray over my prayer list I saw what I had momentarily forgotten as the temptations hit yesterday. It was the words at the top of my prayer list: Keep my eyes of Jesus, Listen to His Voice, Obey His Commands. I instantly saw my flaw–keeping my eyes on the temptations and me rather than giving them over. 

There is a Power far greater than anything we have in the flesh that lives within us. This is Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. I know this so well, but living each and every day as though I know it is something I can only do one day at a time. Today I’ve taken my three commands and placed them in front of me. Today, I’m keeping my eyes and ears focused and obeying all I hear. To God be the Glory!

This morning there seems to be a pause in the learning curve. It is time to stop and reflect on all that God has been doing of late. Last night one of our men gave his testimony for our Celebrate Recovery group. This man started coming 10 years ago and is now our ministry lead. He was the one who replaced me a few years back. His marriage was on the rocks when he started. He had a number of issues he was hiding when he came. However, just as God alone can do and will do if we are willing, He turned this man’s life around and is now using all of his past to help others with their current struggles. 

As I reflect this morning I am filled with gratitude. This gentleman I write about has a very different past from my own. What is amazing is what God does with it. The steps one must take to find freedom from the past bondage are always the same. The road to our Healer is the same for there is only One Healer and we call Him Jesus. 

Today I take this time to rejoice and give thanks to Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Lord and my Healer!

This morning as I arose I had a text message from a dear friend who has struggled immensely the past 3.5 months. She had a knee replacement that went sepsis. She almost lost her life before the doctor caught the issue. She had to have the knee replaced a 2nd time and for 8 weeks she was on IV antibiotics. She is still on oral antibiotics. Only now is she beginning to get her life back. Our quartet went to sing for her Tuesday evening which was not like others we have done. This gal sings with us often as she has a wonderful voice and spirit. So, our visit was a reunion of her singing songs with us as had been in the recent past. Along with the visit we left a card with a gift of money. Her text was a thank you expressing deep appreciation. 

As I began to journal I wrote to Jesus how nice it was to have this text message. All of us dearly love this gal. It was then that I realized how much I had been lamenting to Jesus about Kathy’s issues and hadn’t thanked Him for all He was doing to not only heal her but to grow both of us in the process. Hebrews 12:11 says. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (This is the scripture to memorize for the Saturday morning group I have). This morning I realized the truth of this verse for me. No, this event of the stroke has been nothing but painful to experience. Yet, God has been disciplining me to keep my eyes of Jesus rather than the issue itself. Trusting Him in the midst of the storm is always easier to know than to put into place. Yet, the righteousness and peace cannot be known unless our eyes are brought to our GREAT HEALER and left there trusting. 

This morning I thanked God for all He is doing, has done, and will be doing to use this time to grow Kathy and me into more of His likeness. Yes, this has been painful, but I sure don’t want to lose out on the righteousness and peace that accompanies obedience to God. 

I wrote yesterday about how God is shedding His Light in the darkness of Kathy’s recovery from her stroke. It was an awakening I needed in trusting God with her healing. I had in my mind what her healing ought to look like and I was to keep her in therapy until the picture of her healing was completed. Then, out of the blue, her key therapist says they are done. My thought was, “WHAT! That can’t be. We are a long ways from Kathy being who she was before that day in November.” 

Yesterday in a counseling session with a gentleman, we began building a timeline of his life events which have greatly influenced his thinking and actions of today. Some of them have been addressed, but we need to uncover what is still deeply rooted in causing him to sometimes act out. He text me late last night (which I didn’t read until this morning) that he couldn’t sleep. He was recalling many events that had been buried which we will address next week. I responded to his text reminding him that God’s timing is always perfect and He is shedding His Light into darkness that has hidden what Satan wanted kept in the dark. 

As I was journaling after sending the text message, I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today? His response truly struck me. He said, “What if my Light you spoke of to your client is the same Light I want you to see in the darkness of Kathy’s recovery? My Light is healing as you said to the client. I want you to know that this same Light is molding Kathy AND you into believers who are more like Me. Let My Light do its work.” All of a sudden the lamenting I had within me turned into hopefulness that Kathy and I are being remade. The outcome will be more useful to Christ’s work in our own relationship and in the ministries for which we serve. 

Isn’t GOD AMAZING!

Yesterday was a sobering day for me. I hadn’t realized how much of Kathy’s improvement was completely out of my control. In fact, all of her improvement was never in my control. Somehow, I thought (without even consciously thinking it) that taking her to all of her therapy appointments would bring back this person I love with all of the personality and actions I have known for over 40 years. 

Well, yesterday the therapist for speech/language dismissed Kathy. She said that Kathy’s improvement was now in her hands. The strategies for improving were taught so now Kathy can use them herself. There’s a lot of detail here I won’t write, but I was winded hearing this. Kathy didn’t seem to yet have her old drive back in place so this continued improvement seemed too much at risk. I wanted to tell the therapist she needed to rethink her actions. I even asked if she actually thought this was in Kathy’s best interest? Once she restated her reasoning I knew she was right, but….

This morning I wrote a lengthy plea out to Jesus regarding yesterday. He reminded me that I was never in control of Kathy’s progress. Yes, I had an assignment in it, but He is the GREAT HEALER. Did I trust Him? I just tear up writing this now. I know better, I just don’t act better when these realities first hit. Of course I trust Jesus. I just needed to get my eyes off of this issue and put them back onto this One I do trust. I have done that now. 

“Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to Trust and Obey!”

DECIDE NOW. This is the sermon topic for the next forthcoming weeks at our church. As our pastor introduced this yesterday I instantly thought, “Wow, Christ just isn’t going to have this be a focus for me, He wants all of us to decide now. There are so many layers to this statement. First, will we decide to have Jesus be or Savior by inviting Him into our lives? Secondly, will we come to the decision that we want Christ to be Lord of our lives? Thirdly, will we live daily for Him keeping our focus on the day and His messages He gives during the day? 

I often wish I could decide now to have all of my temptations go away once and for all. However, I cannot write here how much this fleshly struggle of my own often enters the picture when I counsel. Man just will never be free from temptation here on earth. The question now is, will I decide to surrender the temptation this day to Jesus and let Him handle it as I walk away from it? I can use my own life struggle to help others see they are not alone in their own.

Decide now is a once in a lifetime decision as we look at our first decision to accept Christ as our Savior. However, from that point it is a day by day decision to live out the life Christ has planned for us if we choose Him as our Lord. I often grapple with my sinfulness and Satan wants me believing it dominates me. However, Christ in His faithfulness reminds me just what Celebrate Recovery has each one use to introduce ourselves: ”Hi, I’m a GRATEFUL BELIEVER IN JESUS CHRSIT who struggles with ….” My identity is firmly rooted in Jesus Christ and I commit to living life daily committed to Him!

Living our lives for Jesus seems complicated at times. How does one live in our flesh and keep fully committed to following Jesus each moment of each day? The words I often use are, “…one day at a time, one moment at a time….” (Serenity Prayer quote) This is a tremendously good start for the day, but keeping it the focus through the day is the challenge. I know that is why God gives us Mercy and Grace. Mercy for the flesh we battle and Grace to stay as focused as possible yielding to His nudges. 

As I was journaling this morning again about this daily need to stay abundantly focused on living each moment for Jesus, He told me that what He says to me each morning when I ask Him what He wants me to know for today is not just a message, it is a command. Believe what I say to you, He says. Good grief, I often poo poo what a person says to me, but Jesus never wants me to poo poo what He says to me. He also wants me to quit devaluing a message from one of His kids. 

God just never quits driving home His intimate love for you and me. How I love Him and want to serve Him well!

Yesterday my wife and I went to see our prayer warrior Lois. She hadn’t seen Kathy since the stroke hit but has been sending encouraging messages throughout this time. I go to see her a couple times a month keeping her updated on God’s Work through the ministries she prays for: Counseling and Celebrate Recovery. However, yesterday was a most touching reunion to see her and Kathy welcome one another. Lois finally said, “I haven’t had an update on the ministries, but today I just want to rejoice in having Kathy back in my life.” It made me tear up just watching this take place!

Over the past many years God has been teaching me what intimacy is like. First and foremost, I’ve needed to learn and witness that intimacy has no agenda behind it. It is pure love in action. I have always questioned in my mind what someone wanted from me if they hugged too long or if they placed a hand on my arm or shoulder and left it there for a time. I’ve learned that these physical moments from people are simply reinforcing a message of love and support with no other intent. When I witnessed Kathy and Lois yesterday I saw intimacy in its purity. I have thought that I was a lot more intimate today than I’ve ever been before. Maybe that is true, but witnessing it like yesterday, I found I have a ways yet to go. 

It overwhelms me to think that what I witnessed in this hour reunion was just like God’s Love for me. To be loved with no agenda other than love is amazing! To be in the presence of someone just to be with them–this is a huge part of intimate love. God wants that with me and I want that with HIM. I do have a ways to go, and that moment yesterday let me see love like God wants me to know.