I wrote yesterday about the memorizing I needed to do. The most urgent were for a song tonight and the scripture memorization for Saturday. Before the day was over both of these changed. I found out that the band wasn’t able to learn the song in their short amount of time so we will sing it with a digital accompaniment with voices making my part much easier. Three of the four men in our Saturday group are called into their work that day and they wondered if we could wait a week? So, all that took place and my frustrations turned into a huge sigh of relief!

As I was journaling this morning and thanking God for His thoughtfulness, He reminded me that trusting is far more important than worry. I confessed this to my accountability person and he reminded me that when worry hits as it did yesterday it’s a good reminder to pray. Yesterday I vented my frustration in my post. Today I have been given a good reminder of a lesson that needs to grow deeper roots–Worry is a reminder to PRAY and TRUST. So, the journey continues and so does my need to learn!

When I was a boy growing up I enjoyed the challenge of memorizing. There were lots of scriptures, songs, books of the Bible, quotes along with Gettysburg Address, and so on. At that point in time I thought I was good at it too. I don’t know what changed or when it changed, but today I will do all I can to not have to memorize. It is a lot of work that I don’t enjoy!

I have written a few times about the men I meet with on Saturday mornings. We are presently in a curriculum which requires a new scripture being memorized for each session. Along with this I’m needing to memorize a solo for a choir number in a couple of weeks, that is added to a new song we are singing tomorrow night for Celebrate Recovery which needs to be learned. This is all along side the Christmas production our choir is doing and it has a multitude of memorizing both songs and lines for the part I play. If it sounds like I’m gripping, well, I guess I am! All of these ministries are good and I love being part of them until these things come about.

This morning I have time to commit to learning what I need to so I’ll quit my complaining and start. Sometimes the journey isn’t as “fun” as other times, but it is all worthwhile when it is put into the Hands of God. I’m doing that right now!

When I was growing up in the church I remember being told numerous times that if you asked Jesus into your heart you would go to heaven. If you wanted to be sold out to Jesus you would need to be sanctified. If you were you wouldn’t be tempted to sin anymore. If you did sin then you weren’t actually sanctified. I lived with this confusion for quite some years.

I am no scholar in this theological field, but I do have years of experience living out the christian life. There is no place in the bible where I’ve found any promise that one can become sinless this side of death. I’m pretty certain that man added this in hopes it could be true. Instead of this, what I’ve found to be very true is that each day I can commit to living for Jesus. The truth of man’s humanness is that we can only be present in the day we are in. So, the freedom God promises us is found in the present day. God told Moses to call Him I AM. I’ve written about this numerous times, but the reality of it takes a while to truly sink in for me. I lived a long time wanting to be done with sin once and for all. Taking this one day at a time is so much more freeing. This we all can do with the help of one another. We just need to follow what God’s Word tells us in James 5:16. Reaching out to one another is an assurance of support and freedom. This I can also commit to and I want to. And this–this is found in God’s Word.

Living for Jesus one day at a time seems very doable. Well, that is until one actually says they will commit to it. I find myself making this commitment in my early morning time and it isn’t long into the morning that I’ve completely forgotten this was made. I was pondering this earlier thinking that when I was younger I was better at this. Well, truth be known, when I was younger I was better at compartmentalizing what I did with my day. I believe it simply ties to me being of the flesh. I will never be perfect at anything I do for Jesus because I’m not perfect. All this being written, what I do know is that if I focus each morning on living for Jesus fully in the day I can grow deeper roots in this arena rather than believing lies that this is so impossible I should just give up on it.

Living for Jesus and keeping Him in the forefront of my day is something I will strive to do for the rest of my life. There is nothing more gratifying than this for Jesus says He sees my heart.

As I was journaling this morning I was brought to a truth that I just had never thought about before. Being raised in a home where physical and verbal abuse were not only present, but used throughout your time at home, I developed into a mindset that made me fearful to express anything I thought God’s Spirit might be saying to me let alone anything I might think. Along with that I feared any voice in my head for mostly the voices I heard were that of condemnation/ridicule or shame. God’s Voice, over the last several years, has become something I treasure and am learning to trust. So, as I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, His message was that He is the Great I AM and He is never embarrassed/ashamed/intimidated to proclaim this. Because of that He didn’t want me to be intimidated to do the same about Him in any part of my day.

I was never told when I was a child that confidence was equivalent to arrogance, but I developed that belief as a truth. I could never present myself as confident even when I was away from home as an adult. If I did feel confident, I kept it to myself so I wouldn’t appear arrogant. This morning’s message from Jesus opened my eyes to the huge difference between these two categories. Christ was always confident in what He did while on earth. His Spirit within me wants me to do confident to do what He nudges. Trusting God’s Spirit and acting on it can be confidently done without ever looking like arrogance. Separating these voices/messages in my head is a gift from God I can treasure!

I want to start this morning’s entry with a note that my dear friend has made some progress since yesterday’s entry. If you’ve been praying–THANK YOU!

As I was journaling this morning and asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, His message was very clear starting with this question: “Do you know how immense my love is for you?” I have to pause in writing as this point. The thought/truth of this question’s answer is simply overwhelming. Truth is, no, I have no idea how immense this love is. My mind can only comprehend this at a human level. At this point my mind wants to go into imagination. It is then that TRUST and FAITH kick in. My sinfulness is forgiven. My thoughts and temptations are obliterated, my selfish actions are removed. When all that is done, God sees Christ in me. Good grief, how is this possible? It is then I can only begin to see a touch of this love’s immensity!

As my relationship has grown in the understanding of God’s love and the immensity of it, I so want to live fully for Him. I say to myself, “I can’t ever accomplish this.” However, I hear Him instantly counter that with, “Yes, you can. Just remember that this only needs to be done one day at a time and one moment at a time.” God didn’t inspire the writing of The Serenity Prayer as a nice thought. It is something we can actually do. WOW! Our God is AMAZING!

Today is one of those mornings when you awake and the need to go back to sleep has vanished. Instead, I must get up and get the Folgers brewed. Yes, there has been much God has wanted me to process with Him. At the top of the list is the precious life of a dear friend whose life is hanging in the balance. She has been battling cancer for a couple of years. Now a life-threatening, bacterial infection has set in. She and her husband go to Reno, NV for the treatment at a center there, but she has been in the hospital since Monday due to complications with the chemo treatment. No one is ready for this friend to be gone from this earth, but, I know full well that man is not in charge of life’s duration on earth. I just want to be in this particular case! As I write this I also need to add that I do surrender this dear friend to YOU-Jesus. My faith, my trust is in You.

Yesterday I wrote about my/our need to open our arms and receive God’s love welcomingly. Each time I think of this, my mind instantly asks the question, “Are you worthy now?” I then have to remind myself that God has already loved me. I was worthy of God’s love first because He created me in my mother’s womb. I can welcome His Love for me in spite of what I’ve done and what’s been done to me. God has loved me all along.

This truth for me has become a valuable counseling tool. Yesterday a young couple who have been separated for about two months came for their second day session. In this time it came out that the young wife came from a very unloving childhood. While in her teen years she determined she was going to pave her own way in life and not repeat the steps her mom had put her through. In doing this, and because she had been successful breaking away from the grip of her childhood abuse, she needed everyone now connected to her life to be as strong and determined as she had needed to be. On the contrary, her husband had been raised in a loving christian home. There were no real difficulties he’d faced until now in their marriage. Giving and receiving love for him wasn’t even a thought.

As all of this came out in the counseling session I asked the young wife if she struggled to receive love? Her response opened her eyes as well as her young husband. She said, “I don’t know what receiving love is like.” I then asked if she stiff-armed attempts for receiving love rather than accepting attempts with open arms? She began to cry and said, “Yes”. This couple has a long ways to go, but God’s Light is finally shining into what has been a very dark closet tightly protected with lies. It’s so rewarding to see young people receive this Light that I didn’t find for myself until I was much older. God sure knows how to take any struggle and make it into a tool for His Kingdom work. I praise HIM for this!

Monday of this week I wrote a late entry for this blog. My site indicates it was not published even though I had hit published upon finishing the writing of it. In case you can’t find it, I want to let the reader know about the message of that day. The morning for me had been one bombarded with temptations to step into porn and not believe the truths about being a new creation. A short time later I needed to get ready for a doctor’s appointment. It was then I received a text from my prayer warrior Lois. It simply said that she was nudged earlier that morning to pray for me specifically for the armor of God to be mine. I was overcome with the truth of God’s Love for me with that message. Yesterday I went to meet with Lois to personally thank her for the message and for being so obedient to God and His nudges to her. (Lois is 92 years old). Lois beamed and thanked me for coming by and letting her know this.

I have spent a lifetime trying to “be good enough” for God’s Love. This event I’ve just described has emphasized for me that it is time for me to open my arms and receive the LOVE God wants me to know, believe and trust is already mine. All that I have done and now do in His Name is good, but His Love precedes all of this. He wants me to be obedient, but that is an entirely different item from His Love for me. His Love motivates me to “stay the course”.

The other thing that hits me about this is that this message is not a selfish/egotistical one (as my father would have said). It is the genuine reality of God for you and me. Satan doesn’t want any of us to know God so intimately, but God is faithful not letting this evil one interfere with our walk with Him. PRAISE GOD!

There is a lesson God is wanting me to spend a good deal more time putting into place in my day to day living. Months ago I was nudged by God’s Spirit to write EYES ON CHRIST ALONE at the top of my prayer list with the accompanying note in parentheses (King of kings). I thought I’d been doing ok with this until Sunday morning. Our sermon that morning and the main message of the Sunday School class was the same: following Christ alone means doing what man says only if it aligns with God’s Spirit within me. Too often we take man’s advice as though it completes what we think God is telling us. At this point we need to be certain that God’s Spirit is confirming whatever man’s message is. This message truly helps me see where I’m placing my trust and reliance.

God is wanting to grow our relationship with Him, His Son and Holy Spirit by listening and staying tuned into His Spirit within us. So often I’ve allowed my emotions to determine a confirming message I’ve chosen to follow. The Holy Spirit’s confirmation doesn’t necessarily align with emotional response. I want to spend a good deal more time growing into this level of Trust/Faith in my daily walk. Keeping my eyes on Christ alone means listening to His Spirit within and never taking these nudges as suggestions only–they are given to us to obey.