As I’ve started today I needed to clear my head regarding a counseling session I’ll have later this morning. So, I went through the materials ahead of getting into my devotions. I wanted to not have a disrupted devotional time with my mind flitting to the session. Thus, I’m later getting to my blog too.
What I wrote yesterday regarding the scripture in Ezekiel that tells me God will give me a new heart and will cleanse me, has always left me with hope, but with little belief. I’ve wanted my mind to be free of porn temptation which always tied to what I’d been told by two different counselors–“You may never be free of this and even submitting to it at times due to the depth of sexual sin done to you so early in your life.” Satan has used this lie for all of my years limiting my belief that I can be fully cleansed.
Having the talk with my son-in-law last Wednesday morning created a yearning within me for God to make this cleansing true for me. What has happened in the last two days is amazing! It has made me realize that my pride has stood in my way not wanting to admit the truth of my addiction even though I do talk often about it. I still fight my pride all the time. In addition to this, I hate admitting that a “leader” struggles like this. A deeper root was brought to light this morning. My 90-day devotional addressed the writer’s struggle with his addiction when he was in the depth of coming out of it. One night his own father came and laid in bed beside him during the night to keep him from slipping once again. His father’s love was received and deeply appreciated. When I read this, this time, I wept. I’ve begun to realize just how much my heavenly Father loves me and has been waiting for me to receive this love from Him with open arms. He has been right beside me all of the time. He also wants me to step out in His Love and fight the good fight that His Son Jesus has already won. I fight by declaring myself cleansed and believing it to be true. Today I stand in this truth and remind any temptation that I AM a child of the KING!
The flight home was as smooth as silk. It was just what one always hopes it will be. As my morning began I was eager to get to all of the catch-up things I needed done early so I could get the lawn mowed ahead of my 3:00 pm counseling appointment. In so doing, I forgot all about writing this blog. My wife was headed to Oregon to attend a college reunion and as she pulled out a few minutes ago she said my blog hadn’t post. That suddenly reminded me I had never written it.
Sometimes God needs to use a son-in-law to help one see what he wasn’t able to on his own (or he didn’t want to see it). This happened for me while I was in Oklahoma. I have struggled with porn every since I stumbled into it in my late 40’s. I’ve written about this struggle many times. As my son-in-law talked with me about this on our recent trip I was able to tell him this. In Ezekiel 36:25-28, it says God will give you a new heart, a heart of flesh. He goes on to tell you that the sins will be washed away and one will be made clean. I told my son-in-law that I had always wanted this promise to mean I’d never struggle with porn again. However, that hadn’t been true. He’s a Ph.D. psychologist and a sound christian. He listened well and I deeply appreciated his thoughtfulness.
God is always helping us take a step we never think is possible. Isn’t God good!
Today ends our time in Oklahoma. I do love our time here each year. Our kids have a wonderful home and church family that we sense a genuine closeness with. I always love seeing how God is working no matter where we are.
I’m a little late getting this written today. We ended our time with our high school grandson by getting donuts at a local shop on his way to school. He is a jewel and I love seeing how he is growing in his walk with Jesus.
As we head home I am bombarded with “what’s next”. There are the things I know need to take place and then the ones that should take place. I try to shield them from my mind until I get home. I ruin my remaining time here if I dwell on them at this point. This is one of those areas of trusting God that I always have to give over to Him. It has never not worked out and this time is no different.
Serving God one day at a time and trusting Him completely within the day is something I’ll be doing the rest of my earthly life. Somedays are not as easy as others, but I don’t want this commitment to ever change.
It is amazing to see what happens to us humans when some tough news is given to us. Yesterday I had a phone call with news about someone I love who is struggling. In the struggles they are making some rough choices. The person who called me needs some physical help and a good deal of prayerful help. I’m glad to offer both and I’ll start Thursday when we get back home with the physical help.
This need for help consumed a good deal of my thought and emotional energy yesterday which carried into the night. I awoke in the middle of the night finding not only this loved one being on my mind, but with it was two more loved ones who are also needing much love and prayer for their own current decisions/actions. God and I spent a good deal of time together concerning these three before sleep reentered my night.
As I was having my devotions I read about offering band-aids rather than band-shame. Too often when one has stepped into sinfulness and they come for help, they receive a scolding when they have come for genuine help. They know their actions/hurts and they need help. I want to offer genuine help rather than offering shame. All of this brought me to the point of God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. God has His entire creation on His mind. Three names kept me awake much of the night while He has a universe. I know to give these three to Him and praise Him for what He will do to bring them to Him. They all have Jesus and The Holy Spirit within them. I also know God wants my support to look like real love from Him. This I want to do well.
The temperature has dropped 30 degrees since we arrived last Wednesday. It is a beautiful morning as I sit on their covered deck and listen to the rain and watch the sunlight slowly come into the day. Often there is wind accompanying a day like this, but today everything about the world is still and peaceful. It is one of those times when you don’t want to move thinking anything might interrupt this stillness.
My daughter’s sermon was such a blessed message from her heart yesterday. The big surprise for me is that she started it with a song I’d not heard her sing–a prayer. She has a beautiful voice and it gave her message from God just the right focus for God’s Holy Spirit to have His Way with each of us in the congregation.
Our time will come to an end in a couple of day but I cherish these moments in time! Thank You Jesus!
Today is Sunday and I get to listen to my own daughter give the sermon at church. This is a rare moment to get to experience this live. She is a children’s pastor so doesn’t often preach from the pulpit. When she does, her husband always sends us the link so we can listen to it. Today is special and I’m most appreciative of the opportunity.
I’ve said it before, but coming here to Oklahoma once a year is a very refreshing time for me. I can clear my head of all that is going on at home and come back with a fresh spirit. Our kids’ church is also a support for this. It is very spirit filled and I love worshipping with them.
There is a real reason to never, and I mean never, trust stepping into a temptation. The alluring side of it seems so safe and inconsequential. However, for someone like myself, I know the JOY OF THE LORD, and stepping into temptation will destroy this joy. The long term effect of knowing this Joy can always be with us. It will quickly turn to regret if temptation is allowed to enter into our actions.
This very issue is the reason we are given God’s Strength in the very day we are living in. It is the reason God wants us to seek Him in each day. It is also the very reason Satan works so hard to try and interrupt this intimacy with God.
I’ve lived a long time and I will never be, so I’ve learned, without temptation. However, I’ve also learned that keeping myself focused on this very day with God allows me to be strong in Him for the day. This promise is good for each and every one of us!
I’m always amazed with the way God uses time away from home to open my eyes to things He wants me to see more clearly. When I’m close to the issues I am directly connected to at home I get too involved in the problem itself rather than seeing the bigger picture. I’m writing about the things God wants to use to grow us by allowing the problems to exist in our lives. I can do this much more easily when I’m counseling someone else, but doing it for me, well, it takes someone else to point it out and often a trip away from home.
This morning in my devotional time I was experiencing just what I’ve written in the first paragraph. It makes me eager to get back home so I can take the necessary steps addressing it. I won’t enjoy less the remaining time here, but it does change my attitude about going back and facing a dilemmas I’ve had on my mind for sometime now.
The flight to Oklahoma went smoothly and we settled into life here quite seamlessly. Our granddaugter is in college so she is not even living at home any longer and their son was at school so we had the afternoon to visit and catch up with one another. Last night was their midweek church night. Amber, being a children’s pastor, was busy with her responsibilities. They have a celebrate recovery program so I was happy to attend it.
As their CR began I had someone come and put their arm around my shoulder. I quickly looked to see who this is to find it was their pastor. She asked me if I’d be willing to share my testimony with them? I hadn’t brought my written one not even thinking about sharing it. I’ve done it a couple of times in years past so it hadn’t crossed my mind. In a few quick moments I said I’d try. They were planning to have a video testimony and this would replace that. Well, Kathy said it was the best one I’ve ever done. If that were true it would only be due to God’s Holy Spirit.
I love coming here once a year. It is like being with our second family. All of our kids’ friends are like our extended family and they are so welcoming and fun. I took time this morning to thank God for His Gift of love He provides as we come each year. God is like that!
In a couple of hours we will be in the air headed to Oklahoma visiting our kids there for a week. Looking forward to this! God is AMAZING in the ways He takes us into His fold and cares for us as though we have always lived for Him. He doesn’t see any of our past and only sees His Son Jesus in us if we simply ask Jesus into our lives. How grateful I am for our loving Savior and Lord. And to think, He gives us His own Holy Spirit to guide our every step each and every day! Wow!
Earnie Lewis 