Tag Archives: faith

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: SEPT. 24, 2025

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These past several weeks have been emotionally draining for me in a manner for which I had no idea. During these weeks we have added two new counselors to our team. One of these will be taking over my role as the head of the ministry. I’d asked for this a few months ago so I could just focus on those I counsel. I felt as though God was nudging for this. This new director will start in October. Along with this our quartet has been quite active and I’ve shared my story several times. Monday was the podcast interview which took almost two hours (I had no idea how emotionally draining this would be.) Company has been with us for the past week and just yesterday early morning I took the last of the company to the airport. Along with this, Kathy left yesterday for Joseph OR to be with her sis until Sunday. The day was spent in counseling sessions for me.

As I got up this morning to a very quiet house I felt as though I’d been hit by an emotional freight train. I was drained! As I began my devotional time I started journaling telling Jesus just how drained I felt. That took a couple of pages in the journal. Then, I asked my daily question asking what Jesus wanted me to know from Him for today? It was then I wrote what I heard–the voice said, “Son, this isn’t Jesus today but His Father, your Heavenly Father. I am here to fill your ‘spirit tank’. In the next several minutes that was just what He did too!

There is nothing like a moment with God Himself to restore and focus one’s priorities. I wanted selfishness for a moment and He wanted selflessness so He could restore what flesh never does. How I love this precious TEAM–Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: SEPT. 22, 2025

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It has been almost a month since I wrote an entry to my blog. But, today I have been compelled to add a new one. A week ago yesterday our quartet sang for an event in the neighboring town of Nampa, ID. A song we were singing is titled: He Didn’t Throw the Clay Away. The lyrics fit my story rather well and our lead wanted me to give a brief testimony of my story coinciding with the song’s message. When we were done singing a gentleman came up to me asking if he and his wife could interview me for the potcast they do? Well, later this morning the interview will be taking place. I know that podcasts are a present means of current day communication. I just haven’t done anything with this means since I left the educational consulting world. In those days I listened to podcasts of educational leaders for insights in my own consulting work.

I have dealt with a good deal of spiritual warfare in my lifetime. When I was faced with “coming clean” with the truth of my past I would be greatly attacked. This time has been no different, however, the attacks have been different. I no longer have the bondage from my past abuse. I’m free to tell it. However, the fact I still have tempations is what hits me squarely. Shouldn’t I be free of lustful passion? After all, I do counseling to help those who struggle with this. What is wrong with you, you two-faced man? These are just some of the attacks.

This morning as I journaled I was nudged by God’s Holy Spirit to reach out to my accountability partner and to my prayer warrior which I did. Then, as I finished my devotional time I was led to write this entry. Satan doesn’t let up no matter what amount of freedom we have found. He twists truths to seem weak which in our flesh they are. However, God’s truths are strong when we surrender our flesh so the Power of the Holy Spirit can be our strength. This is what I Corinthians 10:13 is all about. So, this morning I will go in freedom! Thank you Jesus!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: AUGUST 27, 2025

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It has been over a month since my last entry. I knew at the time I was to discontinue writing. Today I have a reason why. God had been telling me to learn of His Holy Spirit’s presence in me and His significance. He wanted to take the mystery of Spirit I had and turn it into a much fuller understanding.

About three weeks ago I had gone to see my prayer warrior Lois. At the end of our time she asked me how my worthiness was doing? It caught me off guard and I simply said it was fine until someone asked. This very item has always been a stumbling block for me. I just couldn’t quite jump the hurdle of worthiness to own it knowing the ugliness of all my early years of sexual, physical and verbal abuse. So, Lois said I was to take a post-it note when I got home, write I am worthy on it and place it in my journal so each morning as I started my day I would be reminded of this. As soon as I got home I did this, but I could not just have those three words on it. I needed to write I am worthy because of Jesus in me. That first morning as I journaled I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for this day as I’ve always done for many years now. His reply was that as long as I continued to question my worthiness I was equally questioning His ability to make me worthy. That made me awaken to something I never wanted to do. I sure didn’t want to question Christ’s ability!

Last weekend I went to a conference in Seattle where I met the author of Every Man a Pure Warrior. He is the one who introduced me to the importance of awakening my spirit through worship music as I did my morning devotions. His talk at the conference challenged me like never before to finally believe once and for all that Christ is completely capable of cleansing any sinfulness done to you or you yourself have done. When I began my journaling two days ago I had to take the original post-it note and throw it away. This time I did just as Lois told me to do–I wrote–I am worthy–on it.

Today God said to write a blog message of this. There is nothing, no nothing that Christ is unwilling to cleanse and make pure for His Gift–The Holy Spirit to now reside in and this includes you and me. I will forever continue to proclaim this truth!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: JUNE 27, 2025

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A young man in his late teens is coming for counsel. He started only a few weeks ago. He made a statement that keeps stirring in my mind. He said that his drive to quit using porn was because his parents had both told him it was wrong to do this. He then said that he wanted to find his own reason/s for quitting. He didn’t want to live his life with boundaries set by his parents. He wanted to have his own that he created for himself. He was struggling to find any good reason to quit other than what his parents told him. When I asked what he knew that God’s Word with this topic, he quoted scripture about lust and sexual purity. I asked if these had any influence on his thinking? Is it possible he is simply trying to justify his own flesh desires? He said he was going to think about all of this.

It was good to hear the voice of a developing mind. One that is growing now into its own. In hearing him, I was reminded so well of those years for myself. This topic for me was so influenced by homosexual use of me that I mostly thought of sex as abuse and what was I suppose to do with it from a “Godly standpoint”? Those years are all behind me now, but this young man is just entering into this time in his life. Learning to listen and respond to that voice of intuition–God’s Holy Spirit was going to be a new discipline to learn and respect. In so doing, this will replace the voice of mom and dad’s voiced boundaries. He can trust this Voice of God within him.

Hearing God’s Voice and knowing it from any other voice is truly a blessing God gives to each one of us.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: JUNE 23, 2025

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This post may seem odd to anyone who has never had any therapy for PTSD. I had 3+ years of it and this mornings devotional time had a moment of it reoccuring. I was journaling about some changes I’d like to have made in our counseling ministry I work with. I presently do the scheduling for all four of us who counsel and it has become more than I’m good at handling. I’ve never been a good secretary for myself as well as for anyone else. The burden of this has been a playground for Satan to try and use.

When I was in therapy I learned to use my non-dominate hand to give my young self voice. I’d put my pen in my right hand (I’m left-handed) and give him a chance to speak his questions and then I’d respond to them writing with my left hand. I did this exercise faithfully for well over a year. This allowed my young self to emotionally mature into myself of today.

As I journaled earlier I was prompted to put my pen in my right hand for there was another voice wanting to speak to me. It turned out to be the voice of my spirit. He was telling me that I didn’t need to listen to my mind ruled by my flesh. That mind had lots of conflicting voices. I needed to listen to my spirit. This is where God’s Spirit resides and He wants me free of my old voices so learn to listen first and foremost to my spirit where God’s Voice speaks. God wants our counseling ministry to complete His purpose for it. I just need to talk to the right people at church.

I know this likely sounds odd, but I needed to hear this today. God’s work is so AMAZING!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: MAY 23, 2025

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This morning I had another awakening. Several months ago now my journey took on the task of finding out who this Holy Spirit is and how He works with me. I’ve known about the Holy Spirit in our lives and the Gift He is when we accept Christ into our lives, but just Who is He?

I began reading again The Spiritual Man by Watchman Nee and this was enlightening/helping. The curriculum I’ve been using brought out the significance of our spirit and our need to commit our spirit to The Holy Spirit’s leadership so our walk/talk/self-control is fully led by The Holy Spirit within us. All of this makes perfect sense, but doing it–well, that’s another story.

As I wrote yesterday’s journal entry which I mentioned here yesterday, I wrote that I should obey The Holy Spirit’s leading in my life. Then I was nudged to change should to will. Today as I journaled I was able to separate Christ’s role for me from The Holy Spirit’s role in me. When Christ was here on earth He had The Holy Spirit in him just as we do. He learned to obey Him and Trust Him. The role Christ played for us was His continuous obedience to God’s Holy Spirit leading His actions or his not acting. The Holy Spirit was in Him and He showed us how to use this Gift–for obedience to His nudges/voice. As I write this I realize how long I’ve known this, but haven’t made it a solid practice. I’ve wanted to sort out the nudges I obey from those I fear to obey thinking they can be set aside. Someone else would do them who wouldn’t be afraid to do so.

This morning it became clear I am to do just as Christ did–obey The Holy Spirit fully. That is spiritual freedom. Good grief! Sometimes I think I am such a slow learner! But, on the other hand, I’m glad I’m still learning. God is so patient and faithful!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: MAY 16, 2025

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Today is my oldest grandson’s birthday. What a treasure he is to our entire family. I praise God for him! Happy birthday Dante!

Last night’s lesson for Celebrate Recovery was a testimony from a neighboring CR. She used a line in her testimony that I didn’t catch at the time but it was shared twice in small group following. It was then that I was taken by it. The line–“what isn’t shared cannot be healed”. James 5:16 tells us that when we confess one to another we will be healed.

This morning I am leaving with two other young men from church for a men’s retreat. It is the first one we’ve had for several years. I will be part of the worship time as well as a small group leader. I am always a little more timid about sharing my own story with men I know but they aren’t a part of CR. When men come for their own help it’s easy to tell them you needed help. I have that sense of “less than” when I’m nudged to share points of my past to ones I have no idea if they even have a past. Satan always wants to run me through the mill at these times. So, the line used last night hit me squarely as I heard it twice in small group.

This morning Jesus was reminding me that never in my years of sharing my past have I been “judged” by it. Instead, I’ve only heard thanks for it. It was just the reminder I needed to tell Satan that I’m a child of the King and not him. He has to deal with Jesus on this one for I’m sharing what Jesus nudges me to do. How I love our Savior and Lord–Jesus Christ!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: MAY 13, 2025

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There is a man who has been coming for counseling now for several months. His wife of almost 20 years is an abuse victim and he is seeking help for himself in knowing how to deal with its impact on their marriage. In a session a couple weeks ago he named a book she had read about hope. I ordered it and have almost finished it. It is written by a counseling psychologist PhD whose speciality is abuse victims. As I’ve read this book I found myself reliving my own counseling days. The author is superb, and the memories I have are vivid.

As I’ve processed while reading this book, Jesus has pointed out a very real point that I’ve not considered before. First, God’s healing from any issue we might have is always considered a miracle. I prayed for that miracle in my life all of my life. What I hadn’t considered was whose miracle did I want–God’s or mine? It wasn’t until I realized how much greater God’s miracle was than mine that I accepted His with open arms. The thing God has opened my eyes to in the past few days is that His Miracles always have eternal value while we are here on earth.

I wanted my past obliterated from my mind so I could finally live life in peace–that was what my miracle would look like if granted. God wanted to give me peace from the bondage of my past keeping the memories so I could use them for His eternal purposes. He helped me find intimate love for Him right here on earth as I allowed His Miracle to take place for me. My eyes were only focused on my selfish wants while He wanted to grant something so much greater. The greater for me is using this past of mine to help others find their eternal value to God no matter what they bring to the table. WOW, GOD IS SO, SO GOOD!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: MAY 9, 2025

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Have you ever thought through why we hold our problems in instead of letting them be known so we can have help? Our Celebrate Recovery lesson last night was AMENDS. The author of the material makes AMENDS an acrostic. The first letter–A stands for admit your hurts and harm. For some reason last night (even though I’ve heard this lesson no less than 18 times and taught it in step studies at least that many also) I was hit with the “harm” part.

As I began Celebrate Recovery 18 years ago with the help of 6 others, I began to address the hurt of my past. After a year I started the 3.5 years of counseling as well as attending CR. I fully addressed the hurts of my past. I also stepped into the harm with the help of the counselor, but I didn’t fully resolve them. The one “character defect”–harm, I was left with is having gay thoughts. I’ve never acted on them but they do cross my mind. Having these has always made me feel as though I’m like my brother even though I know better. It has been an entry point for evil’s attacks on my identity and value.

I’ve talked about this a few times and even written about it. Last night’s lesson brought home the reality that it is one thing to confess this, it is another thing to bring it before God’s Light so I can be OK with it. We all have these “character defects” in our beliefs we must deal with. Well, this one is mine. My counselor, years back, even asked me in one session if I thought it made me “less than” others? Of course I did! It made me like my brother I said. However, he acted on it for years with me and I’ve never acted on it with anyone. We share a temptation and that’s it.

Today I thank God for helping me see HIs Light in this struggle I’ve dealt with for SO LONG. I can praise God for being so faithful in helping me to never succumb to this. What a blessed God we get to serve!

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES: MAY 5, 2025

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Today is the birthday for my last living Aunt. She is 94 today and I doubt that she even knows any of this. She has been on hospice for several months and could pass any day. In fact, I asked Jesus if He’d consider taking her home for her birthday as she’d be so thrilled to step into eternity with Him, with my Uncle and all of those who have gone before her.

Something else I need to write about today is on my heart. Yesterday I wrote about my sponsor spending Saturday evening with Kathy and me. He and I had a few hours to catch up while we sat on our deck in the evening hours. I was so grateful for this. Since he moved away we still reach out to one another twice a day. It isn’t like face to face as it use to be and I miss that. Yesterday was like a torment for me. All afternoon I was plagued with temptations. The same ones I’ve had all of my life.

This morning as I began to journal I wrote to Jesus expressing my deep desire to have these done away with. I know their seeds were planted in me 70 years ago when I was a very young boy. But, my faith has grown so much and my trust in Jesus and His Gift–The Holy Spirit, have done so much so I can live in Freedom. Yet, these tormenting times do still occur. As I asked Jesus to please speak to me about this, I heard this response. He asked me to return to this very spot where I sit right now. He said that I find Him here each and every morning. Why not try to find Him right here as I have tormenting times like yesterday? Listen to the worship music that brings tears to my eyes just as it does while I write this. Let Him–my GREAT HEALER take this tormenting spirit and send it fleeing.

I don’t know why, but this message today truly hit home. Not as something to know, but actually do. I know better, but I still attempt to fight temptation with my mind, my determination as though it will work. Today, in all of Christ’s sensitivity, He spoke clearly what I even say to others about their own temptations and I’ve “learned” myself. It became real today and I will do just as He said. GLORY BE TO GOD!