It may be April Fool’s Day but I don’t intend to write anything that will be an April Fool’s type message. Yesterday I exposed a part of me I have never liked–that selfish need to feel worthwhile and meaningful as man would define.  You know, I’ve sought this all my life but I’ve also buried the feelings because they reminded me of my dad who was a very egotistical, emotional man.  I never wanted to be self-centered as I saw him to be.  Yesterday I mentioned the brilliant thinking from Graham Cook. God showed me His brilliance for a moment yesterday in a human way.  Not only did a few of you send affirmation but I also happened to find out that I can see how many log into the message each day.  I hadn’t given any of this a thought when I started this, but my selfishness began to creep in–my ego needed to be stroked I guess.  Anyway, God used this incident to awaken me to Him and His Ways.  For a moment I could see that my vulnerability is indeed His tool when used for His glory.  I don’t want to lessen it to becoming a human reward only.  The purpose is of eternal value and meaning.  I commit to continuing this until God removes the nudge to do so.

So I’m learning about my new nature in Christ.  This new nature is the actual presence of The Holy Spirit within me replacing my old nature.  I just tear up writing this as it is so humbling to know this is true for me.  The tarnished vessel I was in my eyes overshadowed any value I could be for the Holy Spirit.  The ugliness of the sexual abuse and the resulting, ongoing thoughts I’d have left me “knowing” I was of no value unless I did valuable things for God. God is now wanting this thinking GONE.  It is not brilliant thinking.  Being in education all my life, I’ve experienced countless times the aha moments when a learner gets it.  Their face brightens, the eyebrows go up and their verbal response is something like: “YES!”  That’s the way I feel about yesterday’s lesson.  I get it!  In my new nature I do all things for the glory of my God.  I will never know that confirmation of “YES” if I try to do this just for me.

Thanks everyone for being part of God’s lesson for me yesterday.