My journey today and tomorrow is bringing my past and present to a head. I mentioned a few days ago about my angst with my quartet singing for our Celebrate Recovery kickoff tomorrow. Tonight I’ll be attending the kickoff of our Conquer series which is for people who struggle with sexual addiction. Both of these events have “collision” written in them for me.
My past sexual abuse left me with a propensity for sexual addiction. It wasn’t until Celebrate Recovery and my years of therapy that I could separate my part from the abuse part. The propensity for sexual addiction is my part and I must admit it (not staying in denial) and stay in close contact with my accountability. This specific accountability will be built in the next few weeks with the men who come. Secondly, tomorrow night’s kickoff for Celebrate Recovery brings our quartet to front and center for me.
I say in my Celebrate Recovery testimony and in my book that God provided me with a teacher in high school who gave me the opportunity for singing. I found when I sang that people were “blessed”. They would tell me so. Over the years I began to sooth my troubled belief system about my self worth with the fact that my singing made people feel good. I somehow thought God gave me this gift so I could find worthiness. Well, as the years progressed I never found worthiness, I only found singing to be my mask. It was even a mask for the sexual issues I faced.
This morning as I was journaling with God regarding both of these He enlightened me with a few items He wanted me to now realize. Both the sexual abuse and my singing to hide the effects of it are parts of my old self. Today and tomorrow He wants to bring them to the forefront in the “new creation” He has given me. I don’t need to be anxious about any of this for the old self has been replaced. He wants me to trust Him to use all of this as part of His message in taking the mess of my life and turning it into His message for me. He now wants me to honor Him by sharing His message of work within me.
The last thing He showed me this morning is the significant difference between my heart and my mind. Once again He reminded me that I was created as a spiritual being in human form. The home for the spirit being is my heart. This is where Christ is on the throne and His Holy Spirit resides. Satan cannot touch my heart for this is where Christ is and the power of His Holy Spirit–The Angel Army. In my mind however there is ample room for Satan to work. Sadly, our mind is where man places so much strength and authority. This is what man educates. In human flesh we live from our mind rather than from our heart. This morning, God told me He wants me living from my heart. Let my heart speak to my mind rather than my mind speaking to my heart. This may sound trite, but in reality it was an awakening for me. All spiritual power resides and waits for us to access it but it won’t happen from our mind. We need to awaken to the fact our mind is Satan’s playground. I see this so plainly today where I’ve been confused for so long.
I hope this makes sense for you that read it and hopefully it will be of assistance for you. God is an amazing God. I am now ready and wanting to go into today and tomorrow as a victorious saint, so grateful for God’s miraculous work in my life.