The collision hit last night.  There were 12 men who came to the start for our church’s Conquer series dealing with sexual addiction.  I found myself glad to be there and fully ready.  There was no angst, only eagerness to learn and apply from my heart and leadership of God’s Holy Spirit within me.  I am so grateful for the awakening of yesterday.  I cannot say I’m fully at peace about tonight, this seems much bigger to me–facing this giant of singing as a mask to cover who I am.  I now know the truth and am going to trust today.  I am a new creation and will live within this truth trusting each moment.

Yesterday, as I was going through much of my Celebrate Recovery materials preparing for tonight I found a poem I’d written in 2010 and revised in 2011.  I don’t think I ever shared it with anyone, it simply expressed what God and His Team were and are doing in my life.  It fits well with my present realities in this journey so I’m going to post it today.  It is called:  Freedom At Last.

FREEDOM AT LAST

 The freedom of Christ, what glory, what a prize

That I could ever have it was a hope much too sublime.

For 60+ years the chains held me tight

The promises of God were for others’ life plights.

Mine was embedded so deeply within

And Satan had me believing there was no hope for my sin.

It’s a paradox truly, my life unfolding

For the Savior was within but I thought for others He was holding.

To me, He showed His love by answering my prayers

Always for others who were needing God’s tender loving care.

Much satisfaction I found and it’s actually true

That God does love others and showed it using me too.

Little did I know my torment within

Was fueled by a belief–I was worthy just of sin.

The damages of a brother and father as well

Had removed the word “treasure”, for this soul deserved hell.

On the surface most knew I loved Jesus through and through

But when I called His name no one came to remove my awful shame.

Don’t feel bad however, for the saga doesn’t end

With promise unfulfilled–for Christ this boy does fend.

Through Celebrate Recovery and counseling too

Christ began to show He’s real not just for you but for me too!

The walls of protection I had built so long ago

Began to be identified, denial and insanity were beginning to show.

I didn’t know them by such terms for that was denial too.

For me, I used humor and sarcasm to promote laughter for me and you.

Celebrate Recovery promoted ways to freedom regardless the cost.

Counseling revealed the layers causing me to remain so lost.

Pain and sorrow, guilt and shame were a few of the demons I now call by name.

A heart made of flesh, not made of steel

Is what I’m now finding for that’s what makes me real.

God loves me–He made me–I am His child

He sent me Christ to be with me all the while.

The Holy Spirit is mine–Christ’s gift for inviting Him in.

His throne is my heart–my heart I’m just beginning to comprehend.

It’s not what I do that makes me God’s son

It’s who I am–His creation–made to be one.

This treasure I now know has a heart of flesh that’s called Christ’s home.

I’m humbled to find it within me–within this once damaged soul.

I was healed but didn’t know it but now I’m becoming free.

For the bondage of sin is broken–the debt of sin is paid for me.

I will forever celebrate this truth and from now on there is no doubt

The struggle is worth it, God’s plan is real, no one: not you or me is left out.

 Forever grateful,

Earnie