This morning I am having a moment of reflection.  As I do I question the title of this blog–The Journey Continues.  It seems that continue means moving forward.  However, as soon as I write the phrase:  moving forward, I realize that the definition I have in my head is very restricted.  To continue anything simply means to be in it.  So, with that said, I can continue.  I write this because when I reflect I stop all forward motion in order to see where the past motion has brought me.  I set goals from this practice.  Even though I’m very much like most others who set goals and then wonder why I do it, in the long run when I do set goals I still work on them even though they lag at times.

This morning I finished Romans.  This book, for the first time, motivated me to take further steps in my spiritual walk than I ever have before.  Always, prior to this reading of Romans, I’ve found condemnation from it.  Somehow the Light of Jesus broke through this time.  As I write this I realize that I’ve stopped condemning myself so much.  The belief that Earnie has been a failure all along and I’ve needed to shroud it with “good works” is going away.  My whole being wants to sob in gratitude for this release!  The weight of self-condemnation is huge.  I’ve carried it so long I didn’t realize how much it weighed me down until now.

Romans 15 talks about pleasing God rather than man.  Even though I’ve always wanted to please man, I’ve been driven to please God by doing, doing, DOING.  I know I’m a doer by nature, but the stress of doing to overcome “failure” is daunting.  For the first time in my life I can truly see this.  The truth is:  I have never been a failure to God.  What I had learned to believe from my dad had automatically transferred into what I believed about God.  Now I know that neither is true.  My dad never saw me as a failure I finally learned and God hasn’t either.  I was the one who saw myself that way.

Today I am ready to continue this journey as a new creation.  Join me if you’ve struggled with this too.  In so doing, tell someone you are doing this and set some God supported goals that you and your friend (accountability) can use to anchor yourself in this.  I am going to be doing this with my accountability.  Yippee–we are free!  (It sounds goofy to be 66 years old and feeling this way!)