God is not letting up on the application of Romans for me. Today has already been a most informative time. It all began as I read Romans 12:3. Within the verse Paul is writing “to rate your ability with sober judgment….”. The Holy Spirit was really nudging me to take this portion of scripture and let God speak to me about it this morning. As I did I began to awaken to much truth. I go back to the circumcision God did several days ago cutting away the blinders I have had about me. Now He is telling me to rate my ability with sober judgment.
As I pondered all of this I knew immediately I had never been able to rate myself soberly. If I did I would come up with the short stick every time. Somehow, the verbal beatings from my father took deep root in me. If I were to be a success in life I would need to cover up well what I wasn’t so I could be good at what I also wasn’t. This was going to be a lose-lose no matter how it turned out. This has been me “in my mind”. This morning however, as I read Romans 12:3 I was ready to do as the scripture commanded: rate my ability with sober judgment. If I were to rate myself as a loser then I was also rating God’s creation as a loss. God never wastes any of His creations. I am no exception to this. Satan certainly wanted me to believe otherwise, but I already know He is the author of lies and deception. I now could aptly apply God’s truth to me personally.
It was in junior high that a teacher first told me I was smart and good at things. As I got to high school more teachers reinforced this for me. At church I had people reinforcing this message. However, dad was my main messenger of who I was really. All these people complimenting me now had to be fooled into thinking they were right even though I knew they were wrong. I’ve lived with this internal battle for 50+ years. Today, I am free of it. I’m sure I’ll have to go back to this platform now and again, but the lies have been removed.
This is the first time I’ve ever written something like this where I feel ok about it. Others have told me they identify with this struggle. If you are one of them, don’t stay in that lie. Let God show you as He did me that He never creates a mistake–NEVER.