We made it home yesterday afternoon. It was a good trip. As I was departing the plane in Boise I felt my wallet gone in my hip pocket. I quickly went back to my seat and a stewardess and I searched for it. It wasn’t to be found. She told me to go to Delta’s baggage claim to call Seattle and check with the gate where we boarded to see if they had found it there. I did this and it wasn’t there either. On the drive from the airport I got a call saying it was found after all on the plane and could I return to the airport? We did gladly! When I opened the wallet I found that the main credit card I use was missing. The last time I’d used it was Sunday for a family dinner at a restaurant in Escondido, CA with 14 of us present. I had paid for the group using it. Luckily I had the receipt with me in my shirt pocket so I called the restaurant. They had it and are mailing it to me. Boy, did I have a wake up!
Last night was our Tuesday men’s class. Our assignment had been to list the 10 most hurtful events in our past and answer 3 questions for each one. It helped me to see that my most hurtful events were all emotional ones connecting to my childhood. Adult events were painful but nothing compared to the childhood ones. Also, the childhood ones are the ones that had shaped my character defects impacting my entire life. Even listening to the others share their own, I could hear and see this time and again. It awakened again in me how important it is to stay on the journey of recovery until the hurts have been fully addressed and healed. The habits we develop must be overcome, but if we don’t get to the root cause we will never know the full beauty of God’s redeeming love and power.
Joshua, the Bible book I’m reading presently, is full of God’s command to “fear not”. All my fears are connected to childhood hurts. I’ve let them paralyze me endless times. Now I’m much more awake to this knowing God isn’t wanting me responding to fears with my old habits. Instead, He is replacing the fears with a desire to help those stuck with their own. Helping others with their fears (hurts) isn’t arrogance either. That voice of my past has been a killer for me. But, I now know that helping others and maybe receiving a “thank you” or a compliment for it is NOT arrogance. I’ve lived with this paralysis long enough. It is time to let God set me free and He is doing it. Thank You Father.