I finished a book yesterday entitled, Wounded. It is written by Terry Wardle. I found it so interesting. One of the major purposes of the author in writing it is God using any and all of our past to lead us into living life fully for Him in spirit-filled living. The human side of man is where man abuses and uses–selfish living. Our spirits get very beat up in this process especially when it begins early in our life. I had to wait a long time to finally be free of the actual abuse of my past. I also learned some disgusting fantasies to appease the pain of it too during this time. Most of this is gone now. Even though I remember, I am not bound by it.
What I’m now seeing about myself is my need to have a timetable built I can live by. This new area of recovery ministry is still being built requiring me to work with a few very busy people. I am not able to get the timetable built as quickly as I’d like. Each morning God reminds me to surrender this to Him. He is building it–not me. He wants me working in it while He is doing His Work. Some of what He is doing is equipping me to know trust and faith like I’ve never known them before. Also in it, He is showing me things like my mind that need to still be surrendered. I am a doer and I want my doing to be meaningful and purposeful. So, the timetable is a must because doing things timely is part of meaning and purpose–so I’ve always thought.
This morning in my prayer time I asked God what He wanted me to know about all of this? He immediately reminded me to worship Him. I began to sing the chorus: “I worship You, Almighty God, there is none like You. I worship You oh Prince of peace, that is what I long to do. I give You praise for You are my Righteousness. I worship You, Almighty God, there is none like You.” A very deep peace began to settle in as I sang this through a couple times. I felt God’s Spirit taking control and my wants being let go. I don’t want to control this. I truly don’t. I do need to recognize however when my selfish desires are interfering with God’s work. He is truly not done with me yet! In fact, sometimes I sense He is just getting started!