The Journey Continues: Feb. 2, 2018

Welcome to Groundhog Day!  When I was a new principal literally 38 years ago I had a surprise party for the staff on this day.  The winter had been very gloomy so I had a baker create a sheet cake with a very cute groundhog on top.  We all laughed, had our party and went back to being gloomy.  The party didn’t change the weather, just gave us a moment of laughter in it.

I didn’t get yesterday’s blog written until noontime for reasons I stated in it.  What I wrote about in finding a boundary that had been destroyed from the abuse of my childhood still grips me.  It makes such good sense now that I’ve lived in the truth of it for 24 hours.  Hatred is not a sin.  It is an intense emotion that gives us all kinds of potential responses.  It is the response to hatred that can be sin.  Many years ago I was told in a learning environment that hatred is the counter of love.  Both are intense in what they generate within us.  One cannot hate unless they had once loved I was told.  I so wanted to love my dad but I deeply hated how he treated us (me).  I loved my brother but I hated what he did to me.  I loved the tenderness of God but I hated the fact He never stopped my brother or dad.  I loved dearly my mother but I hated that she never once checked up on me when she knew how much I’d been hurt.  Now that I’ve had time to process the boundary that hate creates I can easily see why I needed to know to not only hate the consequences of sin, but the sin itself.  I do feel hatred intensely.  It is a perfect boundary for not stepping into the sin I now hate.   This reality is also showing me that even though I want to know love intensely, I also fear it.  As a little kid we eagerly go to the people in our lives we are to love.  However, when that “eager going” brings us to the pain of abuse it causes love to be very tainted in our minds.  We start creating boundaries around what love is intended to be. and don’t even know we are doing so.

In my devotional time this morning as I was journaling, God pointed out that He wants me to let love become a natural part of my life.  As I wrote this I wanted to withdraw for in simply hearing this message in my head and writing it, I instantly got anxious.  However, the anxiety didn’t cause me to flee, just get tense.  I do want to know the freedom of love both in giving and receiving without the bondage of fear.  As the journey continues this is going to be an assignment I cannot even begin to imagine how it will play out.  I just told The Holy Spirit I wanted to take part in His Plan.  Now that I am comfortable with Him being within me I realize love has to be a great motivator and not a fear.  So, To God be all Glory.

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