You know how I said yesterday that when I know I’m being nudged to do something by the Holy Spirit, I jump from starting it in love to determining what the end result is to look like–my self-control?  Well, I did exactly that yesterday.  Of course I do this of my own flesh without any recognition of such.  My working with my youngest daughter to find her a replacement car ended fruitless again yesterday.  I realize that Kathy and I are leaving next Tuesday for a week to visit my sis’s in S. California.  I have in my mind this must be done before we go.  So, last night I awoke about 2;15 am extremely anxious because this isn’t coming together as “I planned”.  I knew to surrender this thinking but that surrender would last about 2 seconds before the anxiety owned me again.  My mind was whirling.

This morning while wrestling with God and Team (Jesus and Holy Spirit) regarding all of this, I was informed that I have a lesson here that is much bigger than buying a car. I won’t go into all the details of this but they connect to cutting apron strings.  We parents can get overly controlling while trying to help in so many situations with our kids.  God was showing me the details of this and said I need to do my role as family leader in helping start the process.  When this clarity came out into the open through journaling this morning, the anxiety left.  Now I can see clearly what I need to do so that buying a car doesn’t simply create new bondage.  We can help, but we don’t want to control.

Not so long ago all of this would have led me right into isolation where I was always very vulnerable to Satan’s attacks.  Today, I’m much more ready to face this with God’s Holy Spirit within.  I know to start with Love and to continue with Self-Control.  I’m not sure when the right vehicle will be found but I’m leaving this detail in God’s hands.  I’ll do what I know to do and we will go from there.  Thank you Father!