I mentioned yesterday that last night was the second of our 6 sessions for those wanting to lead in our forthcoming sexual brokenness classes.  The topic of last night’s class was Shame Breaker.  I had lots of notes from last fall when I first went through this lesson.  However, last night it was as though it were my first time to experience the actual lesson.  The first time was to gather facts about shame–last night I faced the shame still in me.  As we go through each lesson we allow much time for conversation addressing any confusion, frustration, awakenings, etc.  There was much last night including my own.  Everyone who has stepped into addressing their need for recovery has to admit to the shame that has haunted them and they have tried to bury.  No one knows this action better than me.

The class brought out the truth between guilt and shame.  Guilt is an action of God’s work.  We feel guilt so we can confess our wrong and find forgiveness for it.  This is all an act of God’s Grace.  Guilt comes from something we have sinfully done and we can confess and let it go.  Shame comes from something we think we are and we must hide it because it is directly part of our identity.  Shame is what Satan builds upon continuously and never tries to never let us forget.  Guilt we confess, shame we hide.  Guilt is removed through confession.  Shame is only removed from being loved.  This last statement was my awakening last night.  When one’s life is filled with shame one doesn’t receive love or accept it because one isn’t worthy of love.  Now I know why God wanted me to journal to Him since July of 2016.  He has been awakening me to His Love and Grace replacing the identity I’ve always had deeply rooted within me.  “People may love some of what I do but they could never love me because I’m too dirty.”

Last night’s class allowed me to see some genuine growth God is providing me in all of this.  He’s been having me journal the past two days about Grace.  It all ties together now.  I’ve understood shame while looking at others but I’ve always hated looking within.  Now I can do this and see that much of the old self shame is gone.  What may be still lingering can be better handled.  I am freer to talk it out with an accountability person and accept God’s Love for me, other’s love for me and love myself so I can better love others.  Wow, this is powerful!  Thank you God!