Today is truly part II of yesterday’s blog.  I didn’t know at this time yesterday that the temptations of the previous night weren’t finished.  Throughout the day I had the lingering questions and suppressed anxiety that the thoughts of inability were still me.  By the middle of the afternoon I’d talked about this with Kathy but the struggle was increasing instead of diminishing.  Last night was the beginning of the men’s study called 7 Pillars.  It is the in-depth study for those struggling with sexual addiction.  It follows the Conquer series.  We guys have a close relationship so I was able to tell them about the day’s struggle because it was by then turning into sexual temptations.  I was reminded by the leader that Satan’s deceptions are real.  I know this very real truth, but I needed to hear it from the outside–my inside was spiraling.  It helped to anchor me.

This morning as I took my book: The Nature of Freedom: I was to tell God what I’m most excited about when moving into the freedom of the new creation.  I told Him about yesterday (as though He didn’t know) and how I really longed to get much better acquainted with The Holy Spirit.  Over the past several months I’d found myself truly getting to know Him, God, and His Son Jesus much more intimately.  I don’t have substance for The Holy Spirit and He seems so mysterious.  My Bible reading was in I Timothy 1-3 where Paul is outlining for Timothy about leadership and how a leader is to live.  I could see much more plainly how living this way was possible when you are living as a new creation.  I have always struggled in my mind with this, knowing I “was a hypocrite”.  My living might look good but I was the one who wasn’t good.

As I finished the bible reading I went to my own journal where I was able to tell God how much I did wish to know His Holy Spirit like I did Him.  The struggle of yesterday had been haunting for me.  As I asked Him what He wanted me to know from Him this day, He told me, “Earnie, a might lesson was held yesterday.  You struggled, you stepped, I intervened, you confessed the struggle and I have shed Light.  Who did you see–My Holy Spirit.  He is the Light that allows you to now see the difference between the past weeks when you lived in peace as the new creation and the anxiety that comes when you are tempted to move back into the old self which is dead.  Now that you have seen this clearly for the first time you can leave the battle with us, for it is ours to fight–which by the way–We’ve already destroyed with our Light.  The lingering fears and moments are the evil attempts to sway you.  Be strong in US–your TEAM (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit).

What was amazing was that I could now see the difference between living the old life I’ve always struggled with and living in the new creation I’d experienced the past few weeks.  I was also able to see how Satan was trying to re-establish himself on the throne of Grace where Christ resides and where The Holy Spirit has cleansed.  So much of this truth lies in what I am learning to believe about God and me.  I am truly a child of the King in the new creation.  The struggle has always been trying to live as a child of the King in the old self. I’ll be better prepared for the next attack.  Our God is amazing!  Lets be strong in the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY.

I awoke half way through the night last night and my mind was filled with all kinds of thoughts about my inabilities and inadequacies.  This doesn’t often happen to me, but when it has happened in the past I would desperately keep them a secret and try even harder to ensure no one saw them.  I’d be anxious and highly on guard to know what I was missing.  They would fall in line with what I believed about myself primarily from dad’s early comments to me.  Last night however, I wasn’t in a state of panic as always before, I was in a state of confusion.  I didn’t understand why this “new creation” was being hit with these “old man” items.  I told the thoughts I was a new creation and they weren’t me any longer–in fact, I must have told them that many times.  Eventually I went back to sleep.

This morning I needed to find out from God what all this was about.  I wasn’t in a state of panic or anxiety, but I was still in the state of confusion.  I couldn’t understand why this was still happening with the new creation.  It was in the asking that God brought about the clarity He wanted me to know.  In Ephesians 6:11, Paul is telling the people of Ephesus to “put on God’s whole armor that you may be able successfully to stand up against the strategies and the deceits of the devil.”(Amplified Bible)  God went on to remind me that being a new creation doesn’t make me unable to be tempted to sin or tempted to be deceived by Satan’s undermining.  So instead of falling prey to his deceitfulness, I was able to counter the lies with God’s truth.  My abilities are centered around God’s abilities and His strength.   I don’t ever need to believe these old feelings anymore.  If God is placing me in a situation He will provide the ability and strength to do what He wants.

The last piece of understanding for me is that this was spiritual and not flesh.  I’ve always applied something like this to flesh.  In my flesh I was, I thought, incapable just as my dad would say.  However, God is awakening me to the spiritual torment of Satan and I can stand in it knowing He has provided a way of escape just as He says in I Corinthians 10:13.

God is truly amazing.  In our pastor’s sermon yesterday he talked about God’s Name:  Alpha & Omega.  If God isn’t the beginning and the end of all I do, He isn’t my God.  In between these two places I’ve put myself or something else in God’s place.  This sermon resonated with God’s present work in my life.  All through my life I’ve put limits and walls around parts of me.  In much younger years they were done to protect me I thought.  In my working years I thought those walls not only protected me, but they also shielded me from any further abuse.  In my present time I am learning that there can be no more walls.  These walls had built caves or dark rooms where I found my own sin.  In God’s penetrating light I can see all of this so clearly now.  Instead of walls God has given me His armor.  This armor is found in the Ephesians 6:10-18.  This armor goes on the new creation God has made in me.  I had tried to put this armor on the old self which never worked because the old self was dead but I was still trying to live in him.

I find all of this so amazing!  I’ve been intentionally working on my recovery out in the open for nearly 10 years.  I’m finally getting it.  The Nature of Freedom, by Graham Cooke, is also a valuable tool in my awakening.  I had just written “remaking” instead of “awakening” in the previous sentence.  As soon as I wrote it I felt God’s Spirit nudging me with the fact that I’m not being remade, I am being awakened to the new creation He’d given me so long ago.  I was the one trying to remake me.  God is now showing me what this new creation is and how I’m to live in him.  There is so much greater freedom and peacefulness in this.  In my book, The Journey from Error to Heir, the last section is Finding Freedom.  Someday I will need to add an additional section–something like:  Living in Freedom.

To God be all Glory!

Yesterday proved to be an interesting day learning about the new creation I am and how this works into my nature.  We were having company last night to celebrate a friend’s birthday.  He and his wife plus his sister visiting from out of state came over for dinner.  In the afternoon I had gone into town to my daughter’s home so she could cut my hair.  Afterwards I thought it would be nice to get him a gift.  I’m not so generous but Penny’s had great sales going.  I bought him a nice shirt I thought he’d like.  I was amazed how he seemed to enjoy this and he thanked me a couple times during the evening.  This was truly the new me listening to nudges from the Holy Spirit.

After they’d gone home I was loading the dishwasher while Kathy came in the kitchen.  Our dinner had been food she typically isn’t eating on her diet.  She was now preparing something she was going to eat which her diet allows even though she’d partook with the dinner.  I asked why she was eating more as though I were her control agent?  She told me it was allowed as though she were responsible to me.

This morning’s devotional was about repentance in the new creation.  I instantly knew I had to repent for trying to control Kathy’s eating.  The interesting piece to this and why I’m confessing this in my blog, I didn’t attach my behavior to my old self.  This is simply my new creation (which is still human) being willful and not responding to the Holy Spirit’s nudge, allowing Him to be Kathy’s agent.  I know I am not in charge of Kathy and I don’t want to be.  She and God are a good team unto themselves.  She and I are a good team when God is at the helm of us too like in last night’s dinner with friends.  I’m liking being a new creation and living in it more fully awake to what this actually means.  I have so much to learn but God is a mighty good Teacher when I’m listening to His Holy Spirit who is at my helm.

This morning I am awakened to more about being a new creation.  It all started with my devotional saying that when we walk with Jesus as our Savior, He will bring forth memories from our past that need to be dealt with. These may be troubling ones but He is now with us and will guide us to deal with them through His healing process.  I instantly recalled many He has done this with for me. Then, as I did the piece in the book:  The Nature of Freedom, I was asked to write about God’s Righteousness as a new creation.  I know that God sees me as this new creation due to accepting Christ in my heart where He places The Holy Spirit.  At this point I began my Bible reading:  I Thessalonians 5.  In this chapter the 19th verse says to not quench the Holy Spirit.  I’ve been reading the Amplified Bible where Joyce Meyer adds footnotes at times.  She writes something that clarified a confusing item for me.  Here she writes:  “Many people do not understand that we are tri-part beings:  spirit, soul and body. We are a spirit, we have a soul (composed of our mind, will and emotions), and we live in a body.  Our new birth begins in our spirit, is carried out through our soul and is finally visible to other people through a demonstration of God’s glory in our lives.”

If someone had made a quiz about these details I’d probably passed just fine because the facts I could produce.  If someone would have asked me to write an essay about how all of this manifests itself in real life I would have put facts and not been able to add the manifestation part.  What God awakened for me this morning is that He has seen Jesus in me since the time I gave my heart to Him at the age of 10 or 11.  I have been a new creation to Him since then.  It is only now 56 years later that I’ve begun to truly understand this magnificent reality.

I said yesterday that I had this peace about the relaxed day ahead of me.  In past I would be anxious because when a day like that would come I’d be overwhelmed with temptations and thoughts of my inability to conquer them.  I only saw me dealing with them as the old self. God’s picture of Christ in me was something I didn’t see.  Now that God has been having me write out in the book: The Nature of Freedom, I’m seeing what I’ve always missed.  The old me was dead to God but he was active and alive to me.  I am the one who has been needing to let him die.  I thought my old self would finally die when my body did.  Little have I known that I can let him die now. As I learn more about my new creation I am able to surrender my old self to death. My past can die long before my body does if I am able to take the steps God is guiding me through now.  I’m going to stay on this journey.

Have you ever wondered what a new creation does when nothing is scheduled for the day?  Well, I am wondering that too.  So far I’m taking my daughter’s car for an oil change and Kathy is working on a little get together with some friends.  That’s it!  Always before I’d be anxious about temptations and what I’d need to do so they wouldn’t overwhelm me, etc.  Today is not that way.  I don’t know this freedom well, but it is fun to sense it without the fear.

Yesterday afternoon I met with one of the men I sponsor.  He and I talked about working through the book:  The Nature of Freedom.  When we talked about the help it has been for me–he cried.  He desperately wants this freedom too.  Living in the new creation we are given is something all of us need to awaken to so much more.  I sure want to stay on this path to freedom.  It is so amazing.

Today’s journey has a picture of rest in it.  I ended the 3 month commitment to the school dist. yesterday having a 3 hour mtg with the lady who was returning to her position.  Today is one of those days where I could be selfish and do nothing if I chose that.  I have a dental cleaning this morning and that is my only obligation.

As I started my devotions this morning I was awakened once again to the new creation God has given me through Jesus Christ.  I was asked in the book: The Nature of Freedom to write about how it feels to “stand with God” knowing He wants me there.  This was an insightful assignment.  With all the present awakenings to being a new creation 24/7 I am able to picture myself actually standing with God.  It is a very teary picture but the beauty is that I can see it.  It actually caused me to reflect on what had been a fact for me all my life.  That fact has been that I’ve always wanted this life of mine to end.  I’m not suicidal but I would rejoice knowing the agony of living through each day is done.  The mask of contentment and joy of living could end.  What is so striking for me this morning is the replacement of this old fact.  Today I told God I enjoy living each day.  The dread of needing to hide behind that old mask is totally gone.  The joy of living is real for me and I look forward to living each day as they come.  I don’t dread death, but I don’t desire it like I’ve have all my life.  I know this is a result of living in the new creation.

God’s blessings are real.  I rejoice in this fact.  To God be the Glory!

Well, it doesn’t look like spring, but looks can be deceiving!  Spring IS coming.  Last night I went to our Conquer class.  I hadn’t been to it the entire month of January.  We had to cancel 3 and then the last two I’d been gone.  It was the last session.  We now move into the year-long program called 7-Pillars.  I look forward to what God will awaken in me and teach me during this time.

Now that I’m more awake to the new creation I am, I am becoming more aware of what this new creation is and what it offers.  In Ephesians 6 the armor of God is outlined very well for us and we are told to put it on and use it.  When one reads this and sees the components of this armor one would know why God wanted us to use this armor.  However, my entire life has been confused and disappointed with the fact I could never make it work for me.  Last night’s Conquer class talked specifically about the Breastplate of Righteousness and the Shoes of the Gospel of Peace.  Being much more awake to my being a new creation 24/7 I suddenly realize why I’d never been able to use this armor.  I was putting it on the defeated, old me rather than this new creation.  What good is armor on a corpse?  It is still dead.  I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.  Laugh at the reality of the truth I’d just awakened to and cry that it took 66 years to finally understand.  Part of the lesson last night was visualizing what is true.  It seemed God was showing me that in my new creation I stand before Him righteous because Jesus is within me.  Then He showed me that this same righteousness if the Breastplate of Righteousness that is on me when Satan comes to attack.  The shoes of the Gospel of Peace are the same ones that let me stand before God and to also stand before the tempter.  Good grief, I just shake my head even now with the blessed assurance I feel knowing how powerful this truth is!

When I add the rest of the armor of God to these two already mentioned I am ready for the day.  I know I’m not alone in this awakening.  In the times I’ve shared it I’m asked about the book:  The Nature of Freedom that God is using to help me break free of this burdensome old self I’ve drug through life with me.  Now that I can see this old self for what it is I can also see that he never looked right in that armor anyway because it wasn’t meant for him.  I stand amazed however as a new creation wearing the full armor of God!

In my mind I see today’s date and tell myself it is the last day of winter.  It is just a little exercise I’ve used much of my life to reinforce the hope of Spring.  In February there are always days that begin to look like Spring is coming so I’ve always internally called Feb. my month of beginning Spring.

This new creation in me is beginning to make more and more sense.  Yesterday’s awakening that it is 24/7 is just the start of the rest of my life.  I had breakfast with a couple of guys from our Celebrate Recovery yesterday morning.  We were working through some difficulties dealing with temptations.  I would have said before yesterday that in dealing with temptation we need to access our new creation, use the armor of God, etc.  However, yesterday I mentioned my epiphany of having our new creation 24/7.  I don’t need to access or put on something as though I don’t yet have them.  In my mind I’ve always dealt with temptation more like a panicked person trying to get work done and I can’t find the tools in time to meet the deadline.  Where is this or that when I need them?  Where is the armor?  Where is the strength of God to withstand any temptation given to man?  Little did I know it was already within me waiting to be accessed.  I didn’t need to find them as much as I needed to be awakened to the truth that they are already within me and I can now use them.  Satan doesn’t flee in my panic–He manipulates so I do panic inside.  For the first time I can actually face temptation as something already defeated rather than seeing myself already defeated.

This reality of this is true for each of us.  The assurance of God’s gifts to us through Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit are the most powerful gifts we can have.  The owner’s manual is making more and more sense as I learn to believe it.

This morning’s devotion brought about an epiphany for me.  Every since I’ve begun to use Cook’s book:  The Nature of Freedom, with my devotions I’ve wondered where to fit it in.  My routine has been to read my devotional, then my Bible, journal and then pray over my prayer list.  I’d tried putting the addition in at different points and finally after a couple weeks began to do it right after I read the devotional.  I felt at peace somewhat about it so I let it go.  The book’s entire purpose (at least for me) is to awaken the reader to the new creation God has given us through His Son Jesus Christ when we invite Him into our lives.  I’ve begun to find that the message within the book jived perfected with my Bible reading.  I’m now reading the beginning of Colossians.  In it Paul is telling to live in joy regardless of the circumstances life has given you.  This tied nicely with the wrap up Paul was giving the people of Phillipi yesterday about being thankful in all things.

My revelation this morning was the awakening that the new creation I am is 24/7.  That seems so silly, yet it is true.  I have desperately needed to find how God would use this new me to address my past, the character defects I’ve had, dealing with the temptations of life, the desires to flee in circumstances that brought up the fears of my past, etc.   I was thinking the new me was for these times.  As I was having my devotions I was pondering how one could live in joy and with thanksgiving 24/7.  It seemed God simply said–“when you live in the new creation 24/7”.  All of a sudden it dawned on me that I can do this!  Certainly I can’t do this on my own but now that I have become much more awake to God seeing the Christ in me rather than the abused sinner in me, I am able to let God take charge of all aspects of me each day–each moment of each day.

This new creation is who gets out of bed each morning and comes to the den to commune with God.  I’d always come to the den to find the new creation so I could take him to work with me or into the day whether I was working or volunteering.  The new creation is simply me–24/7.  I kid you not when I say that when times of temptation or intense fears had come I’d try to find this new creation so I’d face the moments with him.  Now I understand why that didn’t work.  This seems so elementary, yet so profound.  I’m going to dwell in this for a while.