Jesus is my firm foundation. This statement use to be something I’d know and even believe. This was particularly true when I work with others for my belief was firm that Jesus always would stand in the gap for them. They could put every ounce of their trust in Him. Then, something would take place for me, temptations would hit and I’d feel helpless with them. I’d dig my way out of them, but would wonder why Jesus wouldn’t do for me what He does for others?
What I wrote about yesterday was a huge piece for me to awaken to as I described in the post. Little did I realize that I had this self-protection mode still going on in me. It was such a natural response of mine I never put any thought into the fact that it was selfish/self-protection. God pointed out to me that this “self-protection place” I’d go to in my mind was a stumbling block (in Celebrate Recovery it’s called a hang-up, character defect or thinking error). If I felt threatened in someone’s presence, temptations would hit reminding me of past triggers, etc., I’d go to this place and rationalize myself out of it–or attempt to do this. It was an area of lacking trust in God that I needed to relinquish to Him. Now that this is done I have a sense of new cleansing–deeper, more pure trust.
There may be other things which God will point out in my future days/years, but for now I don’t sense “phobias” about stepping into situations which in the past I’d deal with, but would do so with gritted teeth. It is truly a new depth of trust I needed to find. Thank you Jesus!
Earnie Lewis 