Today is a rare day–I actually wanted to stay in bed and go back to sleep–I actually did when it first hit me at 1:00 am. Allergies are high today for me. My eyes are watering and itchy and my head feels like it is full of allergens. Well, that’s enough of my pity party!
Last night I journeyed to Emmett. Kathy and a friend went with me and another one from our Celebrate Recovery group also came. Our pastor friend from Emmett came also which I really appreciated. I mention him in my book. He is the first man I told my past to. He lived in Vancouver, WA at the time which is 400 or so miles from here. I thought it would be safe to tell him. He didn’t know anyone in our valley at the time so I didn’t think the word would get back here. I’m talking about 32 years ago when I say this. On the way home Kathy asked me how I thought it went. I really don’t like that question–at least I don’t that soon afterwards. I feel raw and exposed after an experience like that so all I really feel is more like–I lived and no one got up and left during it. Now this morning I can process more clearly. It did go well and many people commented on how it touched them. A man came up to me and said what I often hear, “That took a lot of courage.” I told him thanks, but I am on assignment so courage or not, I don’t feel like it is a choice, even though I do realize the choice is there. When God has given freedom from intense bondage that I lived with for so long, it feels much more like a privilege to share the story than courageous.
As I go into today, I do so with obedience and surrender on my mind. After a time like last night I always fight the urge to go into the cave–get away and try to feel numb to the emotions of the past. Today, I don’t want to accommodate anything along that line. I give my self to Jesus Christ and yield myself to any nudging The Holy Spirit places within me. This is a new step for me. I’ll tell you how it goes tomorrow. In the meantime, God bless you.