The Journey Continues: May 28, 2016

So, the journey this morning has come to a screeching halt!  I want to get off the path and continue to live somewhere out in the field away from it.  You’re probably wondering what in the world I’m talking about.  Let me explain.  About a week ago I had a message given to me from Jesus which wasn’t an entirely new one, but it was rather clear.  Last Sunday I had a person share a scripture with me that he said God had given him to give to me.  The scripture was the same message.  I told Kathy about it and have since waited with nothing happening.  In my devotional time this morning I read in Every Day in His Presence by Charles Stanley, “God’s silence to you is not to dishearten you but to bring you to a new level of intimacy with Him.  So do not despair and do not sin.”  So there it is–that word:  INTIMACY.

Of all the things abuse leaves a victim with, I believe the worst or one of the worst is the inability to handle intimacy.  When I hear the word I want to run, flee, work until I fall flat on my face, change the subject or anything but deal with it.  Inside, I tighten up with anxiety and fear and try to steel myself from whatever the consequence of intimacy will be.  So, do you think God is wanting to help me deal with this?  Yes, I believe so.  The other part of this message is the part about while one is waiting in God’s silence, “do not sin.”  This time has always been when I would run to my cave.  Intimacy makes someone totally vulnerable.  I guess that is why someone who has been sexually abused struggles so much with it.  My counselor and I dealt with it many times and poor Kathy has had to live with me during all of this.  That’s why I love her so much.  She has been awfully understanding and patient with this.

So, I’m writing this in my blog today because I do not want to flee any longer.  I want to face this demon in my life once and for all.  I feel a lot like the little boy standing on the dirt trail as I write this.  I do not know what the silence will teach me; I do not know how long it will last. I do not want to flee to a cave any longer; I want to wait and see what God is going to teach me about faith and trusting.  John 11:40 says, “If you believe, you will see the glory of God.”  Well, I am going to believe, in fact, from this present time to the end of the journey, I am going to believe.

If you struggle with this message as I do, know I am praying for you.  I will likewise appreciate your prayers for me.  Thank you.

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