If I were to tell you I had another rich lesson on spirit would you close out this blog and never come back to it? I hope not, because either way, the lesson happened. Yesterday afternoon I met with a pastor friend and introduced Celebrate Recovery to him. I was prompted last week to contact him and the meeting we set was yesterday @ 2:30 pm. He is very interested and so in the near future we will build a plan for this to begin taking place. While there he gave me a book entitled: He Loves Me! by Wayne Jacobsen. He said he knew I’d enjoy it immensely. I thanked him and went on my way. Last night was our weekly step study. The lesson was READY. The ready title is about whether you are ready to receive the positive changes God has in store for you once you’ve begun to come out of denial and address the hurt, hang-ups and habits that have been weighing one down. The last question starts as a statement and ends with the question. It reads: “Sometimes it is difficult for us in recovery to see the positive changes that God is making in our lives. Have you been able to accept and enjoy your growth? How?” Up to this time in the lesson I had been struggling with the questions as they lead up to this last one. I was having to relive my lifelong need to coverup my past. I even said that living out in the open as a school principal, a church attender and volunteer, a singer of gospel music, a husband, a father, a neighbor were all camouflage in my mind. If I did them well no one would have to know my past. In each case, if they knew, I’d be divorced, fired, told to move and disowned. I now know this has been Satan’s deception but there are lingering moments and last night was one of them.
This morning I was journaling about all of yesterday and talking to Jesus again about spirit. It was very awakening for me. I wasn’t kidding when I had said last night about my thinking about the need to camouflage who I was by what I did. Now that this was all out in the open–I’d said it to the group of men, I saw my broken spirit seemingly for the first time. I was actually doing all this “good living–camouflage living” to protect and coverup what I thought I wasn’t. No one knew anything about it–just me. I was the only one thinking this. This morning, I finally got it. My spirit was broken from my past and that’s real. However, a broken spirit is no need to run and hide–camouflage as I’ve always thought I needed to do. So this is what Christ revealed to me in the midst of my devotional time–He said, “Earnie, this is why I give you my Holy Spirit. It is whole and complete. You don’t need to worry about this broken spirit anymore. I give you the very Spirit of My Father who created you and loves you.” The tenderness of this is still so raw I have to cry again. My word, how old am I, how long have I worked on this in my life? Yet, this morning, I am able to finally see and hear what Christ has been waiting for me to understand and accept. I received His Spirit with open arms! I don’t need to protect a broken one anymore.
I think God put the schoolhouse back in the center of my path this morning as He wasn’t done with the lesson I thought I had finished last week. OK, I’m stepping out again, but this time I am stepping out with a brand new spirit. It is mine and it is a gift. He told me I get it because He wants all His kids to have it. Wow, I’m still in the WOW of this.