Today’s journey has already led me right to God my Father. Yesterday I told you about the step study lesson and coming face to face with the hurt of my past. During the lesson and sharing with the men while I also listened to them, I found the root I’ve never wanted to address–HURT. Somehow in my mind, I had developed a mindset that became a severe character defect. This defect of character was that I needed to be strong so the hurt of my brother and dad would NEVER win over me. I could DO GOOD and this would replace the hurt. Well, 66 years later I guess you know the outcome of this defective thinking.
In today’s devotions I was being shown that God wants me to now surrender this hurt fully to Him. His upgrade for me is the Power to Tell that this crippling hurt of abuse is gone. The power is now in the telling of it. I never need to be ashamed of my story because my story is one of God’s redeeming love and grace through His Son Jesus Christ. The empowerment is God’s infilling Holy Spirit. My story is now their story. I’ve known all of this for years but finally this morning I was able to receive this message without the anxiety of–“but God, this is me, the one who is only this….” That defect of thinking is finally obliterated by the blood of Jesus on the Cross.
I am presently reading the Amplified Version of the Bible with feature notes and commentary by Joyce Meyer. It just so happened that in today’s Bible reading she tells her own experience of God giving her the choice of being pitiful or powerful. She says she was raised in a home of dysfunction where she was sexually abused for almost 15 years. She had wallowed in the self-pity long enough and God had brought her to this point of decision. She chose God’s power and with this decision He has built a mighty ministry. My journey today needed me to have the same experience. I no longer need to fall into moments of self-pity. God has been wanting me to receive His Power–His very Holy Spirit. Today I welcomed this gift and thanked God for it. No one knows any better than me the unworthiness within ourselves, but I now am able to fully recognize that I am worthy because Christ is my worthiness. Because of this I received The Holy Spirit with open arms ready to do His bidding for this day. To God be all glory!