The Journey Continues: Jan. 22, 2017

It is nice to be home and using the computer to write this rather than my iphone.  I’ve almost finished reading a book on the early life of John Newton, a British man in the 1700’s who worked to abolish slavery in England.  It was funny to watch his life develop as I’ve read the book and to process intimacy in it.  He was a very passionate boy who had it severely treated by a father who loved him but didn’t know how to show it and a mother who died when he was only 7 years old.

This morning God has been pointing out that I haven’t been able to grow with intimacy because I have so many walls still “protecting me” from it.  These are the walls of resisting compliments, talking down words of affirmation, belittling my personal capabilities, etc.  I won’t let myself be touched with words or with human hands.  I shy away from physical touch rather than embrace it.  I will embrace someone but I won’t let them embrace me.  I suppose I’ve known this but I sure haven’t been awake to it like I am now.  Actually, what I awoke to this morning is that the old me is what I become when I am placed in a situation receiving any type of praise or personal affirmation.  If I am touched it is my old self that responds.  These times are when I must let my new self receive, relate and respond.  I’ve asked God to show me what intimacy is and what to do with it.  He is doing this.  Now, I need to do my part.

This is going to be an interesting day.  I have church, choir, step study, Celebrate Recovery leadership meeting and quartet practice today  with one right after the other.  It will be good to try and stay awake to intimacy during these times.  God is a mighty good teacher.  I want to be a mighty good student.

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