The Journey Continues: Jan. 23, 2017

Yesterday when I ended my devotions God did something I didn’t find until this morning when I began my Bible reading.  I’ve said for several days that God has been working with me about intimacy.  Yesterday I mentioned what He’d showed me about receiving any type of praise or affirmation.  Well, yesterday was a rather typical Sunday with church and choir, my step study for Celebrate Recovery, The CR leadership meeting and then a quartet practice later in the afternoon.  During this time I’d had a lady wanting to talk to me about her relationship with her husband and the lack of intimacy in it.  She’d asked Kathy if she could talk to me.  This talk was about a 30 minute one and she had much to vent.  I did tell her that God was working on intimacy with me so I wasn’t sure how much I could help her except to understand the need to grow this in their relationship.  I helped her see a couple items like judgment and some rigid boundaries which wouldn’t help intimacy at all, instead it would squelch any ounce of it.  I gave her some thoughts about stepping into a conversation of this topic without these elements being present.  She text me last night saying she just couldn’t do it, she was too anxious about blowing it.  I assured her God’s timing was critical so if last night wasn’t the right time, let it go.

Yesterday I finished reading Ephesians 6 and was ready to start Philippians this morning with my Bible reading part of my devotions.  However, when I opened my Bible and started to read I saw the insert Joyce Myers had written entitled “choose life in the Spirit”.  I was struck by the title’s word:  choose.  It was the first time I’ve actually seen and comprehended the fact I can choose to live in the Spirit.  Living in the Spirit has always been a mystery for me but this title said I can choose.  The interesting piece to this is that I’d just read this a few days back but didn’t catch it. It is at the 6th chapter of Galatians, not Ephesians.   What’s even more interesting to me is that I have no idea why my prayer list was in this page.  I had finished Ephesians yesterday, not Galatians, but that is where my prayer list was.  The added piece to this is the song:  “He Loves Me”.  The words go:  “He loves me, before the world began–He loved me….”  These words and tune have have been going through my mind endlessly for a couple weeks.  I love the song but hadn’t pieced them to God’s intent.

Yesterday I’d asked God to plant the seed of intimacy in me and let it take root.  So today as I began my scripture reading He had me rereading what I’d read about a week ago but didn’t get.  I was telling the lady yesterday things that were in this passage of reading but I hadn’t applied them to me.  He wanted me to see this morning that this applied to me as well as to everyone else in my life and in this world of people He’s created.  I get to choose to live by the Spirit.

The sexual abuse of man and the physical and emotional abuse of man had scarred my own spirit badly enough in my early years I couldn’t awaken it.  However, God, in the past many weeks has been awakening for me a belief that I am His child and I’m on purpose.  Along with this is the fact that when I was born He had this already in mind.  This wasn’t nurtured when I was a child, dad thought it best to kill it.  Now I realize that dad just didn’t understand living by the Spirit.  He was living by the flesh.  I was so deeply influenced by this early treatment that I lost my ability to trust spirit.  In fact I have always believed that spirit and emotions were synonyms and I didn’t want anything to do with them because dad’s emotions were out of control and my brother’s sexual emotions were too.  This morning I was awakened to truth.  God loves me and gave me the opportunity to live by the Spirit–His Holy Spirit.  I needed to awaken to the fact that my spirit is alive.  I surrender it to God so He can help me live by His Spirit.

Yesterday God had me using tools He’s given me without my own understanding of their personal application to me.  I wept when I finally realized just how much He does love me and now I realize He loved me before the abuse ever started.  I’m utterly amazed by all of this.  Yet, it is true.  I am going to be far more intentional in living by choosing to live by His Spirit from this day forward.

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