This day started with me awakening at 1:17 am unable to sleep. I found myself anxious about items that were on my mind. I didn’t know they were bothering me so much until then. I was brought to an awareness that even though they aren’t major things in life, I was anxious because they were out of my control. Even though I surrendered them many times during the night, I didn’t fall back to sleep until sometime after 3:00 am.
This morning in processing these items with God I realized that as God and my relationship builds I can’t expect the same relationship to be in place with others in my life. God was showing me that our relationship is ours, not theirs. Of course some of these are family members. I would love for them to have a close relationship with God, but I do know that they must be willing to surrender as I’m learning to do. My learning is only mine. I can’t transfer it. If I try to push it on them, all I get is resistance which feeds the wrong learning.
The other thing I’m learning from this is what intimacy/sensitivity looks like in real life. All my years, God has been faithfully waiting for me to awaken to my need to fully trust Him with my past. Now I do and tell it when the door is open. His intimacy and sensitivity has all the fruits of the Spirit in it. One is these fruits is patience. God was telling me this morning that His patience can be mine if I will open my eyes to see with spirit instead of with flesh. I really needed this today. These defects of character are rooted in me but thanks be to God, He is faithful in chipping away at them and replacing them with a new sensitivity. No wonder I (we) love Him so much. I tell Him to hurry up, but then that falls in that patience factor again!