Yesterday’s post was only the beginning of my learning about what the torment of “my differences” were. After I’d written my blog I began to do my 7-Pillars lesson for tonight. It was all about what from your past is still leading you into behaviors of addiction? The lesson confronted head-on the blatant abuse of my brother’s sexual use and my dad’s verbal abuse about my worth to him. The culminating part of the lesson was my writing that my only value to a man was his sexual use of me. This I knew was a lie, but I also knew it about took my breath away having the rawness of this old truth (lie) breathing down my neck again. I wanted to talk to Kathy and I wanted to call someone “I trust” but I didn’t do either. I didn’t want to say this out loud! It is too painful to risk it at the moment. The only thing I did was alert my Celebrate Recovery accountability guy that I was struggling with an old lie brought out from this lesson. I needed his prayers.
Today’s time with God brought out His Divine truth. I needed to see the “differences” conversation from Sunday’s time with my brothers tied to the old lies from my past. Yes, I did use to believe the lie about my value, but I now knew in my mind it was a lie. I needed to know in my heart and soul it was a lie. God assured me this morning that “He who begins a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.” Philippians 1;6. God reminded me He is healing all of these old areas of bondage. These lessons may be painful but they are cleansing once I work through to the truth of them. How blessed our Lord and Savior is. He is the Healer and I want to stay on this journey to be completely whole.