In yesterday’s post I wrote about God’s nudges and His awakening regarding full obedience. One of the questions in our step study lesson was what area of your life are you facing denial and working to change it? I had written in response to the question my need to accept myself as OK. The strengths and interests I have are very different than most of the Lewis boys’ strengths. This doesn’t make me weak, it makes me different. Yesterday afternoon two of my brothers and spouses came for dinner. We had decided to start doing this monthly after being at my brother-in-law’s funeral the end of May. They were bringing up some of the ways I am different as humorous and it was. I laughed to because where they are strong I am not and it is funny–as in the time I needed to change a flat tire on Kathy’s SUV and I looked for 45 minutes for the spare. I finally found it–mounted on the rear of the rig. We had owned it for 5 years and of course I “knew” it was there, but, this is not a strength of mine!
Last night, after everyone was gone, I was being tormented about being different–weak. I wanted to escape and flee into past sinful choices. God was speaking about this to me. This morning’s devotions spoke about seeing what makes us anxious, confess it and ask God to show the root cause so it can be uprooted and replaced. I did just this. I confessed the desires to escape and asked God to show me the root. It was simple–my brothers were pointing out the differences between them and me. I saw them as weaknesses yet, they only saw them as differences. Satan has wanted me to believe these lies and throws them in my face rather routinely. I don’t need to go there anymore. The new creation I am is OK being different. Differences don’t make weaknesses. They actually make a stronger team when we use our differences for Godly means.
This morning I confessed my anxiety and asked God to uproot any last personal identity pieces/beliefs so they can be replaced with truth. How patient God is in helping us return to the one He created us to be in Him. The obedience I need to put into place is now being obedient to this truth.