I believe the journey can hit the forward key now. The halt that was hit a week or more ago has begun to complete its purpose. Let me explain. When the halt key was hit I was needing to face the reality of God’s Gift of The Holy Spirit living in me. What I’ve known in my head had to become a reality. I could not continue any longer on this journey of freedom without believing much more fully the truth of this Gift. In this week+ I’ve come to realize this humbling truth.
I knew sin and its impact on me far longer than I knew God’s love for me. So when I found God, accepted Christ into my life and received this precious Gift of The Holy Spirit, I had to earn their worth and live up to the image I had in my head. Add to the sins done to me all of my own sins and I was never going to find worth even remotely good enough for housing this Gift. I see the veil now that has kept me blinded all this time.
Something that The Holy Spirit has been showing me these past several days is the fullness of recovery I hadn’t quite recognized. He was showing me that I along with all others, quit sin because sin has a devastating effect on the relationships we have with others, with God and with ourselves. If we are going to break the cycle of sin we have to also hate the sin itself and just its effect/s. The sin/s that grip us and keep us in bondage have a purpose for us that go deeply within our emotional being. Whatever the sin is, it is giving us a moment of gratification/escape/pleasure that human life robs. The Holy Spirit has been showing me how I cannot just hate the effects of sin but I must hate the sin itself. I’d never separated this out even though intellectually I’ve known this for a long time. When I’m able to hate both sin and the effects of it, I have now seen the full separation of myself from the sin that owned me. For so long I’ve seen myself as sin, both mine and my brother’s sin of sexual use of me. It is then The Holy Spirit showed me He can live in me because Christ has fully cleansed this new creation–me–of its sin so The Holy Spirit can be Holy and live within me.
The Holy Spirit–God’s Spirit–Christ’s Gift is so remarkable. If you’ve struggled with any of this as I have, I hope you will continue on this trek and find the truth of God’s Gift for yourself. This bondage is never what God wanted for us. He gave us His Son and His Holy Spirit to set us free from it. Only now am I more fully recognizing the immensity and pureness of this most Holy and Precious Love God has for you and me.