The Journey Continues: July 7, 2018

Today is my youngest daughter’s birthday.  She is 32 today.  It was 32 years ago when we got the call that our baby to be adopted was born.  We would be able to pick her up from the hospital the next morning.  She was 20 hours old when Kathy, Amy, Amber and I arrived to receive into our arms–Angie.  Boy, how quickly 32 years fly by!

This journey of life God has for me is somehow wanting me to know God Almighty as Almighty.  It has been almost two years since God had me start journaling specifically to Him rather than to His Son Jesus.  In this time I’ve found Father God as intimate, loving, merciful, and gracious.  In my head I know that God is Almighty.  However, somehow, He is wanting me to know in my heart that He is Almighty.  I write this and at the same time question how I can know this in my heart?  God seems to be emphasizing to me in my devotional time that He wants me to be as grounded on His being Almighty as I’ve become regarding His Love.

Yesterday afternoon I spent about an hour and a half with the one who is leading with me the recovery group this fall for homosexuality.  As I’ve been going through the curriculum we will use I am challenged over and over to see deeply into my past finding God at all levels of the abuse from both my brother and my dad.  In the past 10 years of Celebrate Recovery and the additional years of counseling/therapy, I have found God to be just what He promises through His Son Jesus.  I don’t question at all in my mind about God being Almighty.  What I don’t know at this moment is His Almighty using me.  It is not about Him so much as Him and “me”.  Somehow I find myself separating me from God when I see Him being Almighty.  Of course He is, but can I be used by this Almighty God?  I write this and my anxiety rises 10 fold.  Can God be Almighty and use me at the same time?  I know I am facing many “demons” in my belief system.  Writing this shows me how much I must surrender so God can cast these out.  He wants me believing in Him and He wants me seeing myself being used by Him.

I am truly into new territory as I write this morning’s blog.  I do sense I’m not here abandoned as I’ve always sensed in my past when starting new things.  I will begin this day praising God Almighty for showing me what Almighty means even before I can put any words to it.  Thank you Father God—ALMIGHTY!

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