Yesterday was an intriguing day. In it I met with one of the recovery ministry leaders for 2.5 hours preparing ourselves for the lessons forthcoming in the topic of homosexuality. This leader has been committed from the start but is new to leading a group. Earlier in the week I had met with another lady who has come out of homosexuality years ago and is a coach today for those wanting to do the same. As of yesterday, she and this new leader will be working together to facilitate this group for the women. God is just so amazing. God told me this morning to notice that when He is allowed to be in charge and I don’t get in the way, He will complete the work He is doing just as He wants it done. My anxiousness is a deterrent to Him and me so I can and need to let it go!
A friend from high school came to dinner last night. He is a pastor in the Portland, OR area. Our 50 year high school reunion is today. He was an all-star athlete and the son of a pastor. You know my story likely if you are reading this. Bill never knew until a little over a year ago about this kid he called his best friend. He asked me again last night why I’d never told him back then? I think he understands superficially, but in the depth of his soul he knew he could have been a better friend for me. I know this feeling because even today I sense this with people I know are not opening up about the bondage within them. However, each one of us has to find our “low point” before we can ever begin to shed light on the deepest bondage within. I was still in the days of abuse when Bill and I were friends in high school. I could never have said anything then I thought.
As our talking continued Bill said more than once about God’s Grace. His words were striking. He said that Faith is the spiritual action word we are to take with God and Grace is the gift we receive upon taking the action of believing (having faith). He also said that Grace isn’t just a gift received once, it is a dynamic, living gift that continues its work throughout our life. This is what I have found so very true. Grace enters my soul and its cleansing work begins as I open up. The more I am able to share, the more light can come in and cleanse. This is so contradictory to what man would say. He says just what I believed not so long ago–“If I tell any of this I will be cast out and judged as ill-fit for all I do.” God says to have faith in Him–trust Him and His gift of Grace will send purifying Light which will remove shame, guilt and bondage while replacing it with support, love and acceptance. Wow, isn’t God Amazing!