Last night was Celebrate Recovery. We had our kickoff a week ago so the lesson last night was lesson #1–DENIAL. There is so much in this lesson that is finally being understood by me. It all started for me as we read Principle 1–“Know I am not God….” I have had no idea how much the abuse of my past taught me hang-ups I’ve needed to address. In this sense of powerlessness I learned to take tight control of what goes on around me so I could keep my sense of power/control once I was able to grow past the years of abuse. I’ve never wanted to be a control freak, but as much as possible I’ve either said yes to what I care little about and hold fast to what I care a great deal about. All this time God has been wanting me to recognize a huge piece about HIM. He can be in control and I can TRUST HIM to be. The peace of mind, the contentment one wants when a job is finished, the people around you don’t need to be controlled by me (us). God wants to take control of these items. He wants me to simply do the job He’s given me at the time in whatever circumstance.
Now that I see this about myself much more clearly I can see my sin of selfishness. If I choose to control for selfish sake I sin. If God has led me into a something He wants done I need to do this as He shows me. The amazing thing is that it never appears selfish to anyone involved when God’s Work is being completed. Last night I knew a small group of us needed to meet and address “an elephant in the room”. I had told the group a week ago we would meet last night ahead of Celebrate Recovery’s dinner time. It wasn’t easy to get everyone at the table, for some, I could tell, were trying to avoid it. However, once we were all at the table and we identified the problem, it was owned and addressed. We were completing what God wanted to have happen.
There is a huge difference between obedience to God and obedience to self. On the exterior one might look the same until you see the outcome. God’s Holy Spirit does bring harmony when we are all tuned into Him and His assignments for us.