The message of yesterday’s journey entry still has me on the edge of the cliff. I’ve always been deathly afraid of heights and it has never gotten any better as I’ve grown older. I could tell many stories regarding me and heights and dreams of such. They are haunting! That’s a lot like the feeling I have regarding yesterday’s entry. Sins of omission are easy to commit for me just as I believe they were for my mom. I think that must be exactly what my mom dealt with. For mom to step into one of dad’s attacks would have been like me jumping off a cliff to skydive. The fear would be so gripping there would be no way to do it!
This morning God has been outlining for me just how much trust I need to have in order to truly have His Son Jesus on the throne of my life. In fact it all started when I was journaling. I was pondering how Jesus could know God so well that He trusted Him to complete every task God gave Him to do? Somehow from the very beginning of Christ’s birth, Mary and Joseph parented Him in such a way that He could believe in God as well as in the Creation God had given Him. In my journaling God was asking me how much I believe in the creation He gave me? On the surface, I believe I can complete assignments He gives me. I have that natural instinct for lots of things–“Oh yeah, we can do that!” I think. But take the assignment to the inner me and I will have to admit, well, I can’t do it but I’m good at finding someone else you can trust who can help you. I don’t believe in me very well.
This journey right now has me on a path along a cliff. God is going deep into who I believe I am and He is asking me to peer over the cliff to see who He created me to be. This is more fearful than exciting at the moment. I recall when I was very young how excited I was to simply be me. I didn’t consciously think this but I was happy being me. Yet, I recall all too well, the ridicule and beatings for being who I am. No one of my parents in my childhood ever told me who I am was valuable. I grew to believe I was a mistake and if I were to ever have value it would have to be outside of our family. But, God is trying to show me His purpose and love today. I guess I’ll trust the path to see what it leads me to. Actually, I think God is wanting me to halt on the path to see what I’m suppose to be seeing while at this particular point on it. Right now, it is hard to look up, down or out. However, today, I’m going to attempt to see what is out there that I’m missing.