I want to change the heading for another day to–The Journey Halts. Yesterday was a day of seeing, without denial entering into the picture, just how much I do struggle with believing value. I had written in my journal that value starts with belief. I’m not sure that’s true. Somehow God gives us value from birth and we learn to connect value and belief to life from good parenting and how life is delivered to us from our environment. My father use to tell me he had to “break that spirit” in me–kill it. He would compare it to breaking a horse to ride. He’d say one had to break the spirit of the horse to do what man wanted. Somehow that “spirit” he wanted to break in me was a lot about value and belief. Dad knew nothing about nurturing spirit into God’s purposes. I don’t think mom understood it either. She didn’t know how much this boy of hers needed a touch from her giving some type of reassurance that I was ok. It was actually through certain teachers I had in my lifetime that showed me hope for value.
Today I can see the hole within me which I’ve hidden. It is these insecurities which have driven me to do what I’d hope would give me purpose and value. Instead, it would give me another reason to hide what I thought was what must be hidden so that value could be built. As I wrote a couple days ago, I gave all of this to Jesus so He could bury it at the foot of the Cross. Today I see the empty space within where I’d hidden the me I knew no one could trust. He was the person who might abuse someone by touching them wrongly, might say something that destroyed one’s belief in themselves, might blow up and beat someone, etc. They are now buried. So, I asked God this morning what I’m to do with this empty room? How can it be filled with something from Him? Instantly to my mind came, “The good of what you are doing for my kids can now fill this room.” It wasn’t that good isn’t being done, I just couldn’t accept any of it and in not being able to, I could not see any value.
I don’t know if any reader can understand what I’m writing this morning. However, if any of this resonates within you, I pray right now that you will allow God to give you what He’s been trying to do throughout our lives–a meaningful purpose within this earthly kingdom. Don’t let Satan sabotage God’s intent for us any longer. We are created by the One and Only True God. He has never made one mistake so lets quit believing those lies of Satan. We can be FREE INDEED!