God is never done teaching lessons in this life. Today is no different. In the early morning hours I awoke feeling very anxious. It was an odd thing because if I am anxious there is something I’m stewing about. In this case I was simply anxious. I kept thinking about my oldest living sis who is going into an assisted living place tomorrow. It is a good thing and she is very excited. She struggles with anxiety and has since losing her husband about 10 years ago. I kept fearfully thinking, “God, am I going to be like Alice?” I kept giving the anxiety to God and eventually I went back to sleep for a short while.
This morning as I had my devotional time I was journaling about this. God reminded me how anxious I have always been and how well I’ve hidden it from the world around me. I want people to think I’m in control of me and the world around me. I know Christ tells us to not be anxious about tomorrow. Hanging onto anxiety is a sin rather than a good thing. God, in all His Wisdom, showed me that hiding the anxiety I feel is just like hiding the past I kept a secret for so long thinking I was a loser and the world would see me as such if they knew. He also showed me that anxiety is a temptation just like any other. Some people are anxious and they have to let it go or it will consume them. Others who struggle with something else have to make the same choice–let it consume them or let it go. When God showed this to me I could see a couple things I must do–tell it and then let it go.
Satan truly does manipulate us with the idea that secrecy of our weaknesses is the key to success. God says, “Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4. We cannot mourn unless we confess and face the issue. We hide it otherwise and by so doing, we don’t mourn. Today I’m confessing and letting go. I’m sure I’ll have to do this often, but I’m getting started.