It is always somewhat incredible to me having a morning like yesterday’s where I was able to tell so much to Kathy. What never hits me is that life still has to be lived every minute of every day following the moment. What I mean by this is that once I got into the day I wasn’t sure what living with greater freedom meant. Thoughts still came to me similar to old ones—doubts, temptations, etc. I ended the day thankful Kathy and I could talk but the moment of the morning didn’t really “cure/heal” anything, did it?
This morning as I had my devotions God was opening my eyes to see and hear things in His Word–Matthew. As I got to my journaling time I asked Him what I was missing? He simply said, “It’s time to look at my todays and at my tomorrows. The time spent on the past is now all healed and buried at the Cross of Christ. There is no sin in today and no sin in tomorrow (as of yet).” Yes, my past was filled with sin that He wanted me released from. He has forgiven me but I was still hanging on to much (not accepting the healing He was offering). Hearing this and being able to see that my thoughts were generated from the past, helps me know that now I can cut the cord to this past.
I was telling Kathy yesterday about a time when I was in counseling and the counselor had me defining who I am separated from what I do. I was unable to do this so the counselor had Kathy come with me to the next session. Together they were able to help me see the difference between being and doing. The one is who I am, the other is what I do with who I am. At that moment in the session, the counselor asked me if I felt free now that I understood the difference. I told her I was scared to death! I didn’t know this person who she was describing and I’d rather walk in front of a mac truck gong 70 mph down the freeway rather than try to find out who he is. I just knew I would end up being like my dad or my brother if this person was found out.
Well, this morning, I can now see that I want to walk in today and into tomorrow as the person God created me to be. I can see that the person I am is no longer bound to the sins of my past or defined by those sins. This is the new creation God has been wanting me to find and know. Somehow, I think all of this is working! Wow, I am so humbled to know the beginning of this tremendous freedom!