Living as a new creation is a lot like living as the old creation from the human standpoint. I still look the same. I still laugh the same and over the same things. There are many of these details which look similar, so much so that I really doubt that man notices. However, what is strikingly different for me is a peace within me. I am not left with a need to flee when things go wrong or I hear about someone else’s tragedy.
Last night in our recovery class the counselor who is with us every other week touched base with the groups and spent most of his time in ours. We were tackling the first part of the chapter addressing “The Abuser”. We didn’t get very far into it as there was much to share from the men in the group. The counselor was sitting by me and he shared somethings regarding some responses he heard which brought about some real tension for me. These were things like: intimacy, physical touch, cuddling, and more. I found myself needing to move a little farther away from him. He even said his love language is physical touch. After class he asked me if I’d had PTSD therapy and I told him yes, for two years. He said that maybe since we are now into new territory I might want to consider readdressing some of these old wounds which may still have lingering holds on me. I wasn’t wanting to hear that. I’d like to think those days are behind me. However, this morning I do know that either the tension of last night will dissipate in the days ahead or they will continue. If they do continue I will know I still need help. As God brings these things forward in my “new creation” there shouldn’t be fears of the past gripping me and staying that way. I do know I will be open to this if this is the case.
God is so good and so patient. Learning to be patient with myself is a new area too. Instead of going into denial about these feelings, I want to let them play themselves out. It is then I will know. God is good all the time–All the time God is good!