God is such an AMAZING GOD. I know I look the same and probably act exactly the same, but I truly feel so differently inside. I simply had no idea the grip “unbelief” had on me. My whole life I’ve wondered what it was like for people who had the Holy Spirit living in them and they actually knew it? I’ve privately struggled all my life with this dilemma–I am given the Holy Spirit when Christ came into my life, but where is this Holy Spirit when I’ve needed Him? Now I know beyond a shadow of doubt that He is right where Christ said He’d be–in my heart.
The emotional pain of my past which has kept me from stepping into the discovery of BELIEF is now gone. What is even more amazing is what it is replaced with. VISION–I CAN SEE! I can see what believing looks like because it is not something intangible any longer for me–it is a reality within me. This Holy Spirit I’ve longed for, prayed for, begged for, journaled to, is within me. Today I see Him within me. What has been set free for me is my spiritual vision. Notice the root word of spiritual–SPIRIT. This is what I’ve not known. This demon of unbelief is one of flesh keeping our human eyes only on what has been true for us in the flesh. Yes, I was abused by dad and Rich, neglected by my mom. Yes, I was called many names when I was growing up which I had come to believe were true for me. Yes, I had much sexual damage done to me which I had believed I only deserved. BUT, now this belief is gone. The damage to flesh is healed and I can see the truth in the scripture that God’s Spirit lives within me for I can see Him.
This morning in my scripture reading of Matthew 14:27-32 you find Christ coming to the disciples who were in their boat struggling with the strong waves. Jesus was walking on the water to them. Peter had said if that were Him to command him to come to Him on the water. Christ had said come so Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water…. But when he perceived the strong wind he panicked and began to sink. He cried out to Jesus so Jesus reached out His hand and saved him. Christ’s words to Peter at the time were: “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
I have doubted all my life knowing I have not been worthy of this precious Gift–The Holy Spirit. Yet, today I now know and believe I am worthy and it is because Jesus Christ has cleansed me and made me whole. This garden called Earnie is fertile and rich and The Holy Spirit is planting things like the seeds of faith. He has removed the demon of unbelief and I will praise Him forever for this!