Yesterday was such a good day. The weather in S. California is like none other when it’s calm and the sun is shining. There are flowers in bloom all over the place and spring is simply in progress here. Everything is green from all the moisture of this winter.
There is a part of my journey this trip has done a great job bringing to rest. I hesitate writing it here because after Friday night and sharing my story with my cousin’s recovery group, ones here may read it. They now know of this blog. However, God is nudging me to tell this part of His journey with me. My dad was such a judgmental and critical man that I thought if your last name was Lewis, you could be too. As a kid growing up, if you participated in any of dad’s judgmental conversations or took part in any of his competitive games which often included my brother and me, I thought you were like him or you wouldn’t go along with him. I had chalked my uncle into this category. Now that I am spending all this time with my uncle’s family, I find so much in which we have in common. Dad took competitiveness to an unhealthy state not caring about the nature of those involved. I’ve never seen anyone else in my family do this now that my eyes are open. I find myself loving being with this part of the Lewis family instead of fearing the judgment of them.
I know this is a troubling confession, but I also know that all of us with a troubled past must face the pieces of the past in order to find the healing God wants for us in it. Competition is not unhealthy, dad’s use of it was what was unhealthy. Having a sense of caution or discernment is a good thing, but when it is turned into bias and judgment it is nothing but divisive and hurtful–sinful. I’ve always known my Aunt Billie was not a Lewis by nature. I’m so glad to have faced my own disbelief to find that the unhealthiness of being a Lewis was buried in the lies I believed for so long about my family, instead of one member of it–dad. I love this family of mine and find we have much more in common than I ever dreamed. God is such an amazing Father wanting all of His Family to be ONE in Him. This is exactly what He is doing for me.