I’ve written in this blog before that God has been bringing me from “finding freedom” to “living in freedom” for a while. In so doing, He continues to bring out the buried chains of my past which have roots much deeper than I can dig out on my own. This happened while I was in S. California with my family. The time with my cousin and my aunt showed me so much about the lies I’d had regarding who I am and how I was seen as a child living there. This was all connected to my dad.
The lesson we almost finished last night in Mending the Soul brought out for me one more buried chain. It is linked to the sexual abuse from my brother. This brings more shame to me than anything else I ever have to face. I speak of it but I rebury it just as quickly as I disclose it. If you’re reading this you likely know I’m talking about the gay item. Today I happen to be seeing the counselor who has been working with our recovery classes. I’m going to bring this out with him. Hiding something never heals anything but more shame so today I’ve bringing it into the LIGHT to keep it there so God’s Work can be done. I hate this admission but I desperately need to face it squarely. Today I will.
Just to show how God works–I was to have the counseling appointment yesterday, but when it was scheduled I hadn’t put it in my calendar so I totally forgot it. Now I know why–it was last night’s class that brought out the blatant need to face this black hole in my heart–this chain of bondage. Now today I have the courage to say it out loud and face it. God is so, so GOOD!