A good friend at Celebrate Recovery last night shared a story with me about their recent, personal walk with God. They had experienced God’s silence when asked a question about an action they should or shouldn’t take. When God did speak later in the day about His silence, this person was reminded that previously they’d been given two commands by God, one which they obeyed and one which they didn’t. God was reminding them He needed their obedience if they wanted to hear His voice.
Hearing this I then shared my own present place with God’s lessons for me about letting go of control in my life so He could become the one I always obey and always TRUST. As I stepped into teaching the lesson last night on Powerless, I shared my own present state/lesson God has me experiencing. To become powerless I have to truly believe that my best interests are not at stake, otherwise I’d never trust. I’ve learned that this is true for God–He does have each of our best interests always in His Leadership of our lives. Putting myself out there for man is an entirely different case. I’ve never actually thought through the idea of “best interest” when I was stating an action I wanted my child or my grandchild to take. If I did however, I’d know I always have this intent for them. This would be true if I were encouraging them to do something or if they ought to not do something. This is intimacy in a relationship–always having the best interest in mind–removing our own selfishness and having their interest instead.
As I take a look at this I can see why intimacy has been so threatening for me. So many things I wanted to do as a boy growing up were labeled “selfish” or “big-headed” by my dad. These would be things like being class president, student body president, leader of an organization. Dad would tell me I only wanted to do this so I’d be better than my family, or that I could get away from my family. These statements always shocked me and made me question my motives. But, it also grew into a deep resentment because these accusations just weren’t true of me and my intent. I write this because now I realize the impact this had on my trusting man today. Dad didn’t have my best interests in mind. Somehow my desires threatened his beliefs about me and my motives. This was about dad–not me. Now it is time for me to understand that I can trust people like my wife to have my best interest in mind just as I do for her. I’ve lived a long time to learn this lesson. I’ll bet there are many more still waiting to be learned!