As yesterday began I wrote in this blog about God’s insights for me regarding intimacy. In so doing I had a lengthy talk with Kathy about it. It was amazing to me to begin to hear for the first time about “best interest”. The idea that someone has my best interest in mind is utterly amazing to me. I’ve just never realized this. Now that I’m awake to it, it is easy to see why the roots of the lies conflicting with intimacy were so deeply embedded in me. The key people in my life as a child didn’t show this. Instead, their actions destroyed the natural instinct within me to trust. Even when an adult in my life like my high school music teacher wanted to take me places to sing, dad would belittle her to me. He’d say things like she wants to use you to make herself look good. The idea that this teacher had my best interest in mind was made into an ugly lie.
I must say that having this cleared within me reaches into the depth of my soul. I have always looked for the ulterior motive behind anyone wanting me to do something thinking this would not be just for good. I see this as really sick now that I am able to write it today. I’m forever grateful for God’s patience in guiding me to the truth that “best interest” is what He has always had for me and this is true with so many of the people He has brought into my life.
Thank you FATHER!