The entry I wrote yesterday is not complete as it is. There was a portion I left out that hit me much of the day and still lingers this morning. The message is what is written by Oswald Chambers. It comes from the scripture in Corinthians 5:21: “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” In the teaching of Oswald’s lesson he writes, “…through identification with His death I can be freed from sin and have His very righteousness imparted as a gift to me.”
One of my greatest battles in addressing my abuse was the belief about my own identity. Yes, I saw myself gay as my brother was, but more than that, I saw myself less than a man. I was used by a man. Men don’t use men who are their equal. This was all compounded by dad’s continued criticism of my inability to be good in his skill set of mechanics and carpentry. I lived much of my life trying to compensate for these deficits within me. Trying to be good, do good were helpful but they never completed the void within me. The righteousness imparted to me as a gift didn’t work–it didn’t take with me–I believed.
In my recovery years–primarily the last decade, I’ve had to face this belief I had of my identity. I cannot pinpoint a particular time and day when all of this came to a head. What I can describe in words is that God has abundantly made it clear to me that in spite of what man did, it had no effect on what HE DID! He has spent a decade convincing me of this as a truth. I liken this to my kids and grandkids. When one of them does something wrong I never see them as less than a child or grandchild. I see them as beautiful kids of mine who made a mistake. I know they can change that mistake and live better because of it.
God not only paved a way of escape for us as promised in I Corinthians 10:13, but He also sees us able to do this because He has made us righteous as His Son Jesus. What a gift this is and how humbling it is to realize it is a beautiful gift for each one of us who accept His Son as our Savior and Lord!