As I began my journaling this morning I had reread my entry from the day before. There I had written that Jesus wanted me to “be” rather than “do”. The doing comes easier when I am surrendered and committed to Him. I had no more finished this and was getting myself ready for the day when my phone rang. It was a friend who wanted me to plant his mother-in-law’s flower bed. She is 90 years old, loves flowers but can’t do the work side any longer. I’ve planted it each year for the past 5 or so. Not only did I get to plant it but I also got to go pick out the flowers to plant! My moment of doing I had journaled about came immediately following my reminder to surrender. It gave me a chance to be loving and kind. God is so amazing. I had a chance to fulfill a wish for this dear lady and it pleased me to no end getting to plant a flower bed picturing as I did just how beautiful it will be when all of them are in full bloom.
This morning’s devotional message was all about intimacy with Jesus. Each devotional reading centered on this topic and even the last chapter of I Corinthians, Paul was writing an intimate message for the people of Corinth. What first came to mind for me was the ugliness of my childhood making me unworthy of being an intimate person for Jesus. I know I’m a new creation because of Him and my asking Him into my heart, but when it comes to real intimacy I always first think of this unworthiness. So, I asked Jesus how I could address this? I was taken back when He asked me to close my eyes and reenter the scene of my first childhood sexual abuse. I’ve gone here many times in counseling sessions so this was no problem. He asked me to envision Him walking my brother and the neighbor away. He then asked me to envision Him returning and holding me. He didn’t just hug me, He held me and He kept whispering, “I love you”. Yes, I am crying right now.
This all ended with the message that I have lived a long time desiring an intimate, loving relationship with Jesus Christ but battling the sins of my past. His last message to me was to now see Him standing with arms open wide when these thoughts/temptations come for He waits to hold me and remind me of His genuine love for me. Instead of seeing myself helpless at these times, He wants me to now see Him with arms outstretched. This I experienced this morning.
I pray each reader of today’s message knows this message isn’t just for me. It is true for each one of us! Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!