The present definition of “journey”, as this blog title reads, is more about awakening rather than traveling. I guess I could re-title it: The Awakening Continues. I’ve written several times about having New Creation written at the top of my prayer list to remind me each morning that I am one and I don’t have to earn this. It is a gift from God by receiving His Son Jesus as my Lord and Savior. There are lots of benefits to this which I slowly am catching on to.
Paul is writing throughout Galatians and Ephesians about the reality of Christ’s work on the Cross obtaining the gift of being a new creation for us. I feel as though I’m understanding the deeper side of this for the first time. The root of my understanding is coming from the truth that I do not earn this gift. I do not earn or finally become valuable enough that I can now be a new creation. I just haven’t realized how rooted I’ve been in this lie of Satan. There is also another reality I’ve seen this morning I am going to attempt explaining.
Throughout much of my life I struggled with the lie that I was sin. The sexual abuse and dad’s verbal abuse had me believing that my brother’s sexual sin left me as sin. I didn’t commit the sin, I was the sin–I thought. I was a man being used by another man. I didn’t have the value of other men and my dad’s verbal abuse only reinforced what Satan wanted me believing. So, how does one give to Jesus the sin you commit when you are the sin? No matter how many times I gave my sin to Jesus at the alter, at home, wherever I was, I still felt dirty. Coupled with this was the sexual pleasure from healthy sex. I’ve always been easy prey for Satan’s attacks that somehow this is wrong too even though I know it is a lie. Satan would try to tie the stimulation one felt from sexual abuse to the stimulation/pleasure of healthy sex.
This morning Jesus helped me see my brother’s sin having been taken to the Cross by Him. He then helped me see that my sin was given to him by me at the Cross so He could do the same with my sin as He did with my brother’s. They are very separate actions. The emotional separation of these is now clear. Somehow, writing this seems raw, but important. I pray it is not offensive to any reader, but it will help others who might struggle with this lie as I have.