Last night at Celebrate Recovery we began the cycle of lessons which start with DENIAL. The word DENIAL is an acrostic where the D=deny feelings. The L=lengthens the pain. As we went to our share groups following the lesson our topic question was: “What areas of your life are you now beginning to face the truth and break the effects of denial?” I was being nudged to talk about my awakening to the D & L. I had lived my entire life denying feelings which dad had crushed so many times in my childhood labeling me a sissy, a girl (even naming me Hazel when in high school), etc. For several years after I’d started CR I denied much of this. Last night I tied together the L with the D. I suddenly realized I had lengthened my pain by this denial.
The other part of my childhood where I’ve tried to deny the pain is from my brother’s sexual abuse. I’ve said over and over I would be stronger than this. I worked very hard to deny the pain all the while I was lengthening it. The lesson even disclosed that in denying the pain it eventually turns it into shame. That is exactly what happened to me. All of this made me question my own value to God. All of this too made Satan smile since he had his choke hold on me.
As I shared this awakening last night in group, one of the young men talked with me following the group sharing. He wanted to know if I’d sponsor him because he is struggling with what I shared and needs help. This morning as I journaled, God was reminding me again how important it is to be willing to share our stories and His connection to them as we walk our journey of recovery. He never wastes any of it. Once again I’m reminded just how kind and thoughtful our God is.