Today I go into the class for Mending the Soul. We are nearing the end of chapter 9 which is entitled, “Surrendering to God’s Love”. In today’s part of the chapter one finds the words that for abuse victims, we find them experiencing their Christian walk through their mind rather than their heart. When I read this I thought, “what other way is there is know your walk with God but through your mind?” I was then hit with the fact that God has been trying for years to get me to understand that my eternal spirit lives in my heart not in my mind.
This chapter continuously brings to the forefront the anger one has hidden deep within oneself. Anger from never being recognized and instead, being abused; always being belittled and never being praised, and the list could go on and on. The hurt from childhood has to be brought out in order for one’s heart to be exposed. It was the child’s heart that was hurt repeatedly for years that drove one to his mind in order to protect his heart. Little did I know I was doing that, but I certainly recognize it today.
Trusting the Love of God when one felt as though he didn’t matter to God or He would have protected you, seems ridiculous until you work through all the steps in this chapter. This is my third time through and I’m still finding more to surrender. I wrote in my journal that I find more reality by listening to the others share their hurts and all of a sudden I feel the same pain of my own which is now no longer buried deep within me. I can then let it go.
God is so patient and kind providing this opportunity for us to heal and trust Him in ways I never thought possible. How I’m learning to love Him more and more!