Last night all of the activities and events of the past couple of weeks seemed to catch up with me–I simply felt exhausted and fell asleep instantly as I hit the bed. I was so glad I didn’t have to be up and going to a school today. I could focus on yard, see my prayer warrior and get my teeth cleaned. However, what I didn’t expect was awakening at 3:30 with a mind full of fear. I tried getting up and going back to bed, but Jesus was wanting me with Him so I started the coffee pot and went to the study to see just what was on His mind. It turned out that I was on His mind and He was wanting me to tell Him all about the fears I am dreading.
As I began to journal I simply poured out my heart: I don’t know how to get all of my yard work done, I feel like I’m neglecting the schools that need my best (not my leftovers), all of the training for the biblical counseling is on line (I’ve registered, paid, but how do I even find the first assignment?), next weekend is my 50 year college reunion (I dread seeing the faces of the very ones I tried so hard to not let them know who I really was and yet I know God is wanting me to face this), and mostly, like Peter, I want to do this counseling for you Jesus, but do You really know who I am? All of this and more was put into my journal.
As I do each day, I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know for today? (Today I was actually not wanting to ask this question thinking I’d hear what I expected to hear). Instead, Jesus asked me to close my eyes and see what He wanted me to see. As I did this, I saw my kids, grandkids, so many faces of those He has put in my path over the years–many needing help and some who were there to lend support. Then I saw myself seated on His lap with Him embracing me reminding me I am His child and He will never abandon me–I am HIS. (I’m crying all over again). As I closed out my devotional time I realize more than ever just how much Satan doesn’t want this to happen, but just how Faithful Jesus is in leading me through this time of readiness. I am a tool in my Father’s Hands. He wanted me to get better grounded in this truth.