Have you ever been stymied by a step you’ve taken realizing later that it was the wrong step, a mistake? I’m in that boat right now. I did some calling yesterday to find what steps I needed to now take. As I was told I thought, that’s not what I wanted to hear, I wouldn’t take those. They are too troublesome. Well, this morning in my journaling as I was talking to God about this, I was reminded that I wanted direction. Was I now going to determine what that direction should be? Is there a reason I wouldn’t simply take the steps I’ve been told to take? These questions quickly reminded me that if I want help, I need to follow through on the Light given to me trusting that God was in this just as I’d asked Him to be. No one is trying to take advantage–just giving clarity to the problem.
As I’ve processed this morning I’ve quickly seen how much this reaction of mine has been applied to so many areas of my life. Going way back to the years of abuse and the subsequent years, I wanted the memories to be erased. I knew I should get help, but help would tell someone, maybe more, how weak and vulnerable I was. Little did I listen to God’s still small voice asking me to take the step of help. When I finally did take the step I was opened to a new reality–God’s. He wanted the memories to be used to help others, not to haunt me. Instead of memories being a curse, they are now a message God uses to help others take their own step whether its their first step or continued step.
I’m working on learning to be a better responder to God’s messages to me.