I think I’m catching on to something I should have known a long time ago but it’s now starting to make sense.  I was wondering why man’s spirit is never content?  Is this God’s Spirit?  At this point I’m at the tentative conclusion that my spirit is only content when I’m fully surrendered to The Holy Spirit.  My spirit is always reaching out and searching for something more that will satisfy it whether in an emotional way or simply peace–which is an emotional state unto itself.  Things or the state of things is never going to satisfy, only God’s Holy Spirit can bring this rich calm.

Today I’m troubled over a meeting I will conduct Monday night.  It is for our Aslan Ministry.  There is a deep division over a pursuit of involvement.  We’ve been asked to participate with another outreach for trafficked girls that is of a different faith which some on the board don’t feel is right.  Others on the board are wanting to join the pursuit.  I will be handling the conversation and decision in this meeting.  The book, Experiencing God, outlines how to know the Spirit of God’s leading.  I am going to take this as a tool for use.  I would also ask for prayer for each of the members as well as for myself.  God’s leadership is often hard to know when man’s will comes into play–especially when man thinks his will is God’s will.  This is why I’d ask for prayer.

My quartet is singing tomorrow night for the correctional center too.  We have a practice this morning @ 9:30.  I also ask for prayer with this.  These teens are God’s children.  Pray for The Holy Spirit to be well known and received in this time.  We want to be His servants as we go in His Name.  To God be the Glory!

By 9:20 last evening I had the furniture that I use most moved back into the den.  I was happy to have this done.  I can finish up today.  It is like a gift of time to be able to have this done and come out looking better than I’d expected.  God is always like this–I’m so bad at needing this reminder.

I’m sensing a holding pattern today.  All of the ones I mentioned yesterday needing support are still hurting.  The one good news is that my friend that was having surgery delayed it to be with her son.  His cancer is in stage 1–caught at the earliest state.  Everything looks good for his complete recovery.  Praise the Lord.

God keeps reminding me, for these individuals and including me, He USES these tough times.  Our human nature doesn’t turn to Him in good times.  Our nature only needs the power of Almighty God when we finally see how insufficient we are and then let our pride go so we can reach out to the One and only True God.  My prayers have been that these tough times will allow each one to see God for Who He Is and to see themselves insufficient.  I know this struggle all to well.  My own pride stands in the way of me moving forward so often.  God is faithful, however, in reminding me that His new creation in me sees man’s pride as the hindrance in coming to Him.  The waiting time between problems and overcoming them is often dependent upon the length of time it takes for us to surrender our pride and let God have His way with the circumstances at hand.

If this is a struggle for you as it is for so many (including me), let today be the very day we let it go by surrendering to God where all help comes from.  To God be the Glory!

Today the flooring gets installed and I can move the furniture and boxes of books back into the den. I’m so glad. That’s a little item however compared to the immensity of hurt surrounding us (me). By the end of last night my heart was so heavy I couldn’t talk about it. The place I’m helping in work is having to make some tough decisions, 4 of the men I help mentor are really struggling and one is severe, a couple more men have pulled back into silence, a friend is having surgery today and her son was just diagnosed with cancer and consulting with specialists today. This morning I couldn’t sleep and God wanted them prayed over. He assured me He is working and my part is to keep them in His hands. My absence of seeing His work is not an indication He is not working. My spirit knows God is working but human eyes can’t always see what is happening in spiritual realms. 

Today I trust God and have great faith in all He is doing. Are you struggling?  Join me in trusting this Almighty God of ours! He surely is our One True God. 

In my devotions yesterday God was pointing out to me the difference between knowing something and comprehending it–making practical sense of what the scripture says. Last nights class for Conquer was all about the differences between knowledge and belief. God is drilling the message home for me. I have superficially believed all of this for a long time. Now it is time to put it into my daily living. 

My scripture reading was still in Acts, chapter 10. I have prayed many times for Gods Holy Spirit to fill me–thinking that might clean me up if He did. God is saying today to BELIEVE.  There is no faith in my previous actions. I acted on what I knew knowing it didn’t apply to me. It does apply to me. Today I do believe completely. I go in faith believing. This is the new creation Christ gave me. 

If this has been an area of struggle for you I pray for your Faith. God doesn’t short-change any of us. We do that to ourself in our absence of believing. Today join me in Believing. 

This morning I’m still in Acts for bible reading. I think I may need to be here a while. God is really speaking about full surrender/obedience. In reading about Paul’s conversion it’s easier to understand. He was in full obedience to the Jewish religion to annihilate this new movement of Christ followers. Instead God turned his zeal about face so all this zeal became surrendered to The Holy Spirits purpose for him. 

I’m trying to write this with my phone again so struggling to get this out with a texting keyboard. God is laying on me the fullness of complete surrender. I’ve not thought my person was worthy of The Holy Spirits infilling but God is wanting me to know that is mans interference and it is sin to deny God this part of me. My thinking of being unacceptable for him is a Wall of disbelief I give to God now in full surrender. I know there’s more to learn here but this is my start. To God be the glory!

Today I’m posting from my phone. Our den is empty and computer shut off. We’re getting new flooring. Hopefully this will be done in a day and I can move back to normal–ha!  

God is really pointing out to me the interference of man and mans power of choice competing with Gods power. God withholds His power until man has surrendered his. Over the weekend there have been 3 young men who don’t want to give up all to know Gods will for them. Each one is highly capable and have taken ill-steps getting them into trouble. All want Gods help but not to the point of full surrender. I know this need for full surrender well. I doubt if we ever get done fully surrendering. Daily living always brings about new situations needing this. I just know that I have tried my strength too many times with it always being insufficient. Gods strength never is lacking. To God be the glory. Pray for these 3. God had a plan for each of them. 

I told you yesterday that God was wanting full surrender from me which looks like trusting Him completely with the service for the kids in the correctional center next Sunday.  In my devotionals this morning I was continuing to read in Acts chapters 3-5.  Here Peter and John heal the crippled man who was asking for money.  Peter’s message to him was that they had no silver or gold, but what they had was the power to heal through Jesus Christ.  He was then healed of his infirmity.   The people were astounded and many more believed in Jesus Christ resulting from this even though the leaders arrested Peter and John for it.  I don’t intend to retell this story of truth, but God wanted me to glean something significant from it.  This message of Jesus Christ being the Savior of the world and being the One who gives the Gift of the Holy Spirit is for everyone. 

This morning God wanted me to know that the message our quartet brings to the teens at the correctional center is for everyone of them.  We are bringing the message primarily through songs and some words of testimony from each of us, but the message is for all.  God reinforced the fact for me that I needed to be free to give the message and that He would do all the rest.  He is already working in the hearts of man–his creation.  He created all of us to have that yearning for a spiritual connection.  Our role is to define that spiritual connection as Jesus Christ.  I don’t need to worry–I need to be obedient.  The Holy Spirit, if I am obedient, will be the motivator and the message.  I will be the vessel used to deliver it along with the others in our quartet.

This isn’t new information, but it is finally clear to me that God WANTS me to give this message.  His work in my life He wants me telling and using for His Glory and Honor.  I’ve always been timid inside about this fearing it would cause the loss of friendship and my career as well as my marriage and family relationships.  But, God has proven that wrong over and over.

The meeting with the young man yesterday afternoon went well.  He is broken and wants badly to be healthy and stay healthy.  He is taking steps to find work and live in a healthy environment.  Praise the Lord.

When I decided that I needed to start this blog it was motivated by God’s Holy Spirit nudging me.  I thought it was because God’s work with and in me certainly was not complete because I’d written my book.  The book didn’t end the journey, it simply opened the door for others to know my journey and maybe find help for their own.  The thing I’m finding now is that God is awakening in me a fuller understanding of total surrender of the “all of me”.  There cannot be any areas of  my life I keep for myself.  They are all to be given to God for His purposes.  Before I opened up about my past, what I kept from others was just that–my past.  Now, I find myself needing to stay awake to the areas within a day I want just for me.  God, on the other hand, wants me fully surrendered and totally willing to respond to Him for His Kingdom work.

Later this morning our quartet is getting together to prepare for the time next Sunday when we sing for the juvenile correction center.  I’ve mentioned this repeatedly.  Yesterday the one in the quartet who usually puts our order together met with me.  I am taking the lead this time but struggling with it.  He had some good suggestions.  This morning my Bible reading is in the first two chapters of Acts.  Christ has told the disciples to wait in Jerusalem for His Gift–The Holy Spirit.  They did wait and when the Spirit came upon them they were anointed with passion and The Message to give as they went out.  God was reminding me that He wanted The Holy Spirit to be the one to give the message to these kids at the center.  Waiting upon His Holy Spirit is what He wants me to do and each of us in the quartet to do.  I know we want this, but our own desire to get it planned so we can rehearse it often overrides the “waiting on the Lord and Holy Spirit”.

Later this afternoon I am meeting with a young man who has been released from jail and is trying to find his way back into life.  His mom is a friend but living out of state.  I don’t know this young man, but I want to be God’s servant in this doing what God wants, not what man may want.  I ask for your prayers for the time we meet that God will be fully in charge and His Spirit free to accomplish His purposes.  To God be the Glory great things He has done–and will do as we are fully surrendered to Him.

Today’s journey started early.  I was wide awake at 3:25 am and finally I had my body join my mind at 4:00.  I have so many things on my mind that my normal routine for devotions and then writing this blog was totally disrupted.  I was done with my devotions and processing (journaling) all that’s on my mind with God by 5:30 am.  I wanted to get our Christmas cards done so I went to work on them.  They were done and I began to box up books I’m giving away.  I filled two boxes and realized I hadn’t written today’s entry.

I’ve told you before that writing this is not fun when my mind is troubled.  There are several things troubling it too.  Earlier this week I wrote about new memories being given by God’s Holy Spirit when we have deep seated ones from childhood abuse.  I’ve been working through this but I haven’t found peace with it yet.  The upcoming singing engagement at the correction center is troubling me as well as getting things in order for Celebrate Recovery, and lastly, our Aslan Ministry.  Each area is having some stumbling blocks and I’m not sure what to do with them.  I know I must release the idea I am to own all of this.  God wants me to serve Him in these areas obeying His leadership as He sheds light.  I just haven’t been able to find peace with them yet.  I’m praying for me to be sensitive to God’s Holy Spirit knowing what to do and to not do what my old self would–bulldog into it without God’s sensitivity and His Light.

God gives us a new life when we come to Jesus.  My new life is being tempted right now and I sure don’t want to live that old life any longer.  I’m going to wait on God trusting He will do His mighty work in His timing.

OK, now I can go back to packing books to give away.

This morning I am going to put together an hour long program our quartet will be giving for the juvenile correction center on Dec. 18.  I think I’ve mentioned this in an earlier blog. One of our other members always does this work, but this program is tied to the time I gave my testimony for these same teens a couple months ago.  My whole body is filled with anxiety as I come into this moment this morning.  I’ve confessed it to God repeatedly and it immediately returns.  God has already given me His message–He said, “I know your anxiety and I want you to change your mindset to anticipation.  Do not look at the darkness of anxiety but to the Light of anticipation.”  You will not be writing the program for yourself.  You are on assignment and My Holy Spirit will give you the words to say and the songs to sing that glorify Me.”

When I gave my testimony for these kids the haunting question that stays with me is this one.  How did you know God answers your prayers?  I had to tell them that at their age I did not know that He did.  This is where trust comes in.  However, I look back 50 years later and know that God wasn’t answering my prayers/pleas.  He was answering those of my grandma and grandpa, my mom and some teachers I had.  I know I didn’t reach out to anyone with my pleas because I was scared to death knowing my plea would be a confession of who I thought I was–my identity, and they would simply confirm my deepest fear.  I want these kids to know that this is what Satan does to our thinking.  God waits for us to reach out in trust, confess to Him and to “someone we trust–someone human”.  This team replaces those anxious pleas with steadfast anchors of love and direction.  It actually helps me right now to write this out to you.  I will starting working on the program as soon as this blog entry is done.

Today I will be God’s warrior in His battle against evil.  I will trust fully in Him, His Son Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit who lives within me.  Thank you Father and Team.