“To God be the glory, great things He has done and great our rejoicing through Jesus His Son.”  These words of the old hymn come to mind as I recap the weekend our quartet had in McCall, ID.  All the angst, all the surrendering, all the moments of helplessness are wrapped into God’s work of taking a mess and His making it into His message.  He did this yesterday just as He promises to do as we surrender all to Him.  Throughout the service there were tears of joy, laughter and praise, surrender and forgiveness, revealing and recognition that someone does know and understands.  These are some of the revelations God showed us as we ministered.  A good friend of mine who lives in McCall and grew up in Adrian, OR with me attends the church where we sang.  He did not know my story and hadn’t read my book.  He talked with me at length after we had eaten lunch. Like others who have known me but not known this part of me, he wished he could have done something.  I assured him that God knows and is doing His part now that I am doing my part in surrendering myself to the assignment God has given me.  There are a couple high school girls who were there who live with a foster family attending the church.  These two girls come out of much abuse and were weeping most of the service.  Kathy and I talked at length with them and gave them books.  We told them we would be praying for them and I ask you to do the same.  They want to be on assignment too using their mess as a message of God’s redeeming work for others.

While we were there over the weekend I got a call Saturday afternoon from the wife of a relative here in the valley. My relative was desperately needing prayer.  He said an evil spirit was speaking to him and he could not stand up to it.  His wife was scared and very unsure what to do.  I told her where we were and had her call our pastor.  I prayed over the phone with them and assured them I’d come when we got home Sunday later afternoon.  I went directly to their home as we got home.  I know his story well and the torment he has lived through and with.  I’ve never prayed holding the hands of someone to cast out demons. I hadn’t been aware until the phone call of this evil within tormenting him.  I’ve been in a group that has done this but this part of God’s work is more mysterious to me.  I’ve had prayer in my past to cast out my own demons of unbelief, shame, etc.,  and I know the power and grip of this demonic evil.  I prayed with confidence and fervor for him.  This morning I’m taking him to our church where our pastors will be praying for him at 10:30 am.  I would appreciate your prayers at this time.  I’m also giving him lists of scriptures he can pray which have been given to me by God’s saints in my life.

I am so humbled and blessed to be in this family of God.  There was a time not so long ago when I just wanted to find peace in this family.  However, there is much work to be done for those around us.  As we get healthy God wants us to join Him sharing His health.  I want the rest of my life to be committed to this cause.

Today God is glorified.  I get to tell the story of His work in my life to a group of people for which I’ve been praying He has already prepared.  Just as I was starting my devotions this morning I received a text message from a friend at home who wanted to tell that that in praying for me she was prompted to tell me that what I share isn’t to highlight me, but Him.  That couldn’t be any better said.  I was actually reading at the very time the text came, a devotional which stated very similarly the same message.  The other most meaningful reminder this morning is that I  don’t tell today’s story of God’s healing work in my life to add value to me.  This very message has been one of the most evil haunts I’ve dealt with in the past few years.  It is a character defect of mine thinking I must redeem my self worth with as much good work as possible.  I also simply enjoy working so it is very easy for me to be tempted to do all that I do for the sake of man’s acclaim.  Today I want it to be abundantly clear that for this moment I know I am a child of God–dearly loved by Him.  I tell our story to focus on His redemptive love and grace.

The more important piece of today for me is for the ones who hear the message and are being prompted to take a step of faith because they are locked in a bondage that needs to be told and surrendered.  I know so well this bondage.  Please join me in praying for them.  God’s love and grace is not selfish for some, but graciously available for all.  To God be all Glory!

We are in beautiful McCall, Idaho.  All of us in the quartet are staying in a couple condos so we can spend time together allowing our families to become more closely knit.  Most of the time we four guys simply practice and then go on our way.  This time we want to practice but also spend time allowing us to laugh together and learn together.  We are all part of God’s family, but we would like to have a closer relationship within this family of God so our ministry is deeply rooted within God and one another.  In fact, when we prayed over our dinner last night, the one praying asked God to strengthen the family ties within all of us.  I really appreciated that wake up.  I arrived here yesterday afternoon overly concerned about the talk I’ll do tomorrow.  Hearing that prayer reminded me to once again let the talk go.  God will be with me tomorrow when I speak it.  Right now He wants me in the now.

This morning I get to make the waffles for all of us.  I do enjoy fixing waffles for breakfast.  Most of my family is this way.  Our mom often had waffles on Sunday morning.  We would come in from milking and have waffles before heading to church.  Many of my siblings carried this practice forward with our own children.  So now I will do this with our newer family–the quartet family.

Speaking of family–I want those who read this blog to know I consider those who are seeking recovery as my family.  There is a bond found in recovery that knits God’s kids closely together.  There is a security in being together because one can trust the others to understand where you come from when you pull away from the touch or the proximity of another.  It’s not because you don’t want to be with them, it’s just that there is a discomfort in being too close.  God continues to work with me and I know He does the same for each of us.  Lets stay together on this journey of recovery.  I love God’s family and most of all, I love the Father who put us together.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Yesterday had no journey entry, but the journey had me on a trail I don’t want to visit again.  I had to be at work yesterday earlier than normal.  I thought it would only be an hour or so and I’d come home and get the blog written a little late.  Well, the morning turned into several hours with the district and by the time I got home I had several things to get done.

As I got into the afternoon the anxiety of this weekend’s testimony was building.  I know this scenario well by now so one would think I could work through it easily.  WRONG.  I momentarily let the “old Earnie” take over in my thoughts thinking the worst of everything for the weekend and wanted to go back into hiding.  Of course, lurking in the hiding place are the old habits too.  By the time I talked to my accountability partner last night, he reminded me to stay in the “now”.  That simple statement was so powerful.  I know this all too well but I wasn’t acting like I knew anything about it.  Even in the serenity prayer it tells us to “take one day at a time–one moment at a time accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.”  The “new Earnie” does know this but I had slipped into the old self’s control momentarily.

I had a tormenting night’s sleep but when I awakened this morning when it was time to get up, the words of the song “I’m His” started going through my head.  In the words of the song it tells me I’ve been adopted into God’s family and He is watching over me.  I’m also the passion of His love and in the grip of His grace.  My first thought wasn’t yesterday’s continuation of anxiety, it was this–I’m HIS.  What a loving God we have with the gift of His Spirit to live within us.

So, am I calm now?  Not really, but the “new Earnie” knows how to let the anxiety of today be the simple reminder to surrender it to the One I serve.  I am on assignment for Him.  This weekend is an opportunity to serve Him so I gladly go into it.

Sometimes God makes Himself very clear to us and this morning was one of those times.  The last two mornings after I had finished my devotions and writing this blog, I’d settled into working on the testimony I’m giving at the McCall church this coming Sunday.  Of course, I want to do this well and I want it to be written sensitively knowing there’s likely to be all ages present.  So, I want it worded carefully so as we say in Celebrate Recovery, no graphic descriptions.  Working on this always has its side effects.  I tend to stay in that mode of thinking which brings me to a level of anxiety inside that I try to hide and do away with.  I have simply chalked this up to reliving my past and it will pass in time.

Last night was step study night with the guys I meet with for Celebrate Recovery.  We are into the lessons on spiritual inventory prepping for doing the inventory.  The questions being answered are all about what is causing the hurt in your past life so I was once again reliving it.  By the time I got home last night I was quite raw inside.  I was tempted to withdraw yet again which I know is not a good thing.  This morning as I was journaling and asking God what He wanted me to know from Him today, He said he wanted me to remember that He is All Knowing.  He is the one who judges when the time comes.  People are not judging me–I am.  Every time I step into working on my story or reliving events in it I get most anxious about being judged.  However, I had recognized the trigger is my judging myself.  I know why I only told once that the abuse was happening and I know why I never stood up to dad when he was so cruel yet I judge myself for being weak.  God went on to say I need to praise myself for being willing to complete the assignments He’s giving me to share my story.  So, in all humility, I tell you this morning that I told myself–“Good job, you are making God and me proud by doing His assignments so well.”

All this seems like an odd thing to be writing today.  But, I must confess, it does make me feel much stronger.  Thanks for letting me share this with you today.

I find it very interesting in that as the journey continues, the one/s on the journey may continue, but they are in continuous change.  By change I am talking about growing.  When we are young everyone sees us by the physical growth we achieve.  When you haven’t seen a friend or relative for some months/years, the first thing out of their mouth is something like, “My, haven’t you grown.”   In our later years the growth is all about the invisible maturity God is wanting us to experience and achieve.

There were three things that happened yesterday that brought home to me this thing about growing .  First, a friend stopped by as I was working out in the yard.  They wanted to tell me about their thoughts on the TV interview done last Friday.  Even though it had seemed to go ok in their eyes, the message was too incomplete in how to help a victim of child abuse.  I needed to tell more about addressing abuse.  They were aware of the time restrictions, but….  The 2nd and 3rd things happened as I got to choir practice last night for our church.  A new attendee to the choir was present as I arrived.  He had been a student of mine 30+ years ago.  I welcomed him and he said he was a tenor so he sat by me during practice.  He complimented the gentleman who had sung in church the day before during communion.   I hate true confessions, but I had a jolt of jealousy when I heard the compliment.  I’m not a “jealous” person, but I do have my moments.  The third thing happened as choir was ending.  The director asked the one doing devotions to pray for our quartet as we sing this weekend in McCall and to pray for me as I give my testimony.  When she said this I had that initial response to “flee”.  The person sitting by me (the newcomer to choir who had been a student of mine) likely didn’t know anything about his old principal having “a testimony”.  Of course I didn’t physically get up and depart, but I use to emotionally check out at this point.  However, I heard the voice in my head say, “Earnie, it is time to stay.  Accept support and others comments if they give any.  Stay in the present.”

I tell you all of this because this is a major way God is growing me currently as I’m on my journey.  At the end of our prayer time I thanked the newcomer for joining us and we shook hands.  I didn’t bolt to the exit door as I would have done any other time.  God is wanting us to grow into His likeness.  I do want my remaining years to look a whole lot more like Him.

Yesterday was a busy Sunday with church and attending a class on intercessory prayer.  After church we had our monthly Celebrate Recovery Leadership meeting which usually takes a couple hours because we do a dinner, provide some training and take care of the business at hand.  In all of this I had a couple of tremendous wake-ups to more that God is wanting to teach me.

This started in the intercessory prayer class where Luke 4:1&2, 14 were read.  It says that Christ was led into the wilderness where Satan tempted him.  After 40 days of this and fasting, Christ came out of this experience empowered by the Holy Spirit.  I was greatly struck by this transition from being led to being empowered.  We have all gone through trials and temptations but our obedience to following Christ’s leadership leads to a stronger empowerment by the Holy Spirit. This was my first awakening.  The second one came during the training time in our CR meeting.  Our training was about The Serenity Prayer.  We were listening to a CD created by John Baker, founder of the CR Ministry.  He used Matthew 5:13-16 to show that “You are the world’s seasoning, to make it tolerable.  If you lose your flavor, what will happen to the world?….”  Our testimony (personal story) is salt to the world around us.  It tells what Christ has done to take our mess and make it a meaningful message for others.  This was the second awakening.

Neither of these awakenings were new information, but the timing of them yesterday made their message very pertinent.  Our quartet is singing this weekend for a church in McCall, ID where I will be giving my testimony as part of the service.  I’ve stewed over what I should and should not be saying.  All of this yesterday simply freed me to trust the Holy Spirit to lead me in His message to share.  After all, our testimony is the story of what Christ has done to transform our lives.  I need to stop trying to control the extent of what Christ wants done and be fully on assignment for Him.

Today is an anniversary day–Kathy and I met 34 years ago today.  It was a blind date set by a teacher who worked for me.  She and her husband knew the two of us even though we were 200+ miles apart.  Kathy was in Wallowa, OR and I was here outside of Caldwell, ID.  It is through this relationship and marriage that God has brought me through the reality of my abuse, the healing of it and the ministry of now using it to help others overcome.  I simply am amazed at the wondrous works of our Father God, Jesus Christ and The Precious Holy Spirit.

I had one of my grandsons helping me yesterday disassemble the swimming pool that we’ve had for the past 18 years.  It was a 24′ above ground one which we had a deck built around, etc.  It had weakened over the years and finally gave way this winter.  While working with my grandson I asked him to tell me about the strengths he has.  It was so fun to hear him expound on the gifts of character he sees in himself.  It was not a time of arrogance for him to do this.  He was rather humble in telling this.  I was able to confirm them as true.  A little later I asked him if he had any character traits that needed to be worked on because they hindered him.  He was quiet for a minute and then he told me one.  Just as before, he was honest and accurate.  We went on to talk about how he is using his strengths and how to could work on the hindrance.

As I grow older and reflect on my life and the lives of many from my generation, I see how the spirit of man was humiliated into thinking what could be gifts needed to be humbled into submission or beat out of you.  This mindset of many men and even women was a genuine flaw in our upbringing.  We really need to honor the gifts our children and grandchildren are given and nurture them as well as help them use these for honoring purposes.  Satan has an evil way of perverting man’s thinking so that what God intended to be a gift becomes something to do away with.  I am glad to be working on this in my own life and it’s fun to work with others to help them see their own gifts as just that–a gift.

Today is the start of something miraculous.  As I was having my devotions the light of the day was beginning.  More and more of the beauty of spring was becoming visible.  The air is chilly but the warmth is coming as the sun begins to rise.  As I was journaling He was telling me that He is going to be intentionally teaching me about living in the “new creation” He has made in me.  I’ve been striving to live in this new creation, but often fail as I so quickly slip back into the thinking of my old self–the abused boy.  I know God wants me to recognize His purpose of living in His new creation in me.  I also know He wants that for all of us as we accept Him into our lives.

Yesterday was the day the TV station aired the taping they did last Tuesday of the interview with me on the topic of Child Abuse Protection.  I was at the funeral yesterday while it was being aired so I went on line last night and watched it.  It was rather odd, yet refreshing, to see and hear myself talking about a time in my life that took place literally 50-60 years ago.  It has always been current in my mind rather than so long ago.  I actually saw me–the man of today–talking about this period in my life.  It has begun to sink in what God has been trying to show me for so long.  This past owned the old me.  I shaped most of what I did with people by it.  I have always wanted to be free of its bondage of me, but I seemed helpless in doing anything about it.  Even with all the help–therapy and counseling–I would fall prey to that need to flee.  Somehow, this am, that is gone.  I sense this joy inside more than I ever have before.  Thank you Jesus.

There is a younger couple who have been coming to our Celebrate Recovery at church.  They are engaged to be married blending of each family.  They had reached out asking if Kathy and I could meet with them to talk through the issues coming up for them.  As they arrived early afternoon yesterday and we began to talk through what these issues are, the fear that God was giving the roadblocks as His indication of Him not blessing them began to surface.  It was amazing to walk them through some pondering thoughts–

• How did you originally know God had brought you two together?
• Are these problems bigger than your love for one another and your assurance of God’s blessing?
• Do these problems cause you to question each others love?

There were other questions, but what took place was an awakening for them that God is actually helping them work through several issues that are naturally a part of blending families in day to day living.  Instead of questioning God, we can actually thank Him for helping us work through them ahead of actually moving in full-time with one another after the wedding.  Kathy and I are going to continue to meet with them for a period of time.  It will be fun to watch God work.  God’s amazing help is always there when we get to the place where we reach out for it.  Often times it comes through someone He is placing on our hearts to talk to.

God is good all the time–all the time, God is good!

Today is the day when many of us will celebrate the life of a dear lady who passed away a few days ago.  My quartet is singing for the memorial service.  I know it will be a rich time of sharing and reflecting for all of us whether we are friends or relatives.  I am thankful for days like this.  It helps me stay grounded in what is important in life.

I had a younger man call me last evening.  He is part of our Celebrate Recovery ministry.  He’s a very capable, intelligent young man who participated in some circles where he got caught and lost many of life’s privileges for a period of time.  In the past 3-4 months he has been rebounding having gotten a new job that is paying well, a boss that admires his capabilities and has promoted him already.  Some family issues he was up against are resolving, so life should be good.  However, the call last night was one of anxiety.  He was caught in the cycle of “what if’s’.  In listening to him for almost 30 minutes he would ask, “do you know what I’m saying?”  I finally said, I do know what you are saying but let me repeat for you what I “hear you saying’.  We shifted the conversation from all the anxious, worrisome statements consuming his mind to what God has been doing with him these last few months.  He finally said, “I should be praising him and thanking him shouldn’t I?”  I concurred wholeheartedly.

God has been awakening in me of late so many things for which I need to be giving Him thanks.  Even the trials of life become elements of thanksgiving when I see the surrendered trial being used to help someone caught in a similar one.  God is so amazing when we simply take our eyes off of today’s worries and look up.  I praise Him today!