Yesterday I didn’t post.  I had time to do so after finishing my devotions ahead of leaving for church.  However, I simply had nothing inspired within me to write, so I didn’t.  Today I believe I know why.

I’ve had a couple troubling items on my mind.  One is taking place today.  I am doing some work with a neighboring school district that recently took some steps I detested.  My reason for going to them today and tomorrow have nothing to do with the steps taken, but my attitude towards the leadership has been difficult.  I will be working directly with them today and tomorrow.  This morning God showed my that arrogance is from man’s pride and I needed to see mine before I go in His Name to the work He has me doing.  He told me I am to go do the work I’m assigned to do and He would do the work He is assigned to do.  I am not God and He hasn’t asked me to step into the trouble I’ve noted.  I really needed to hear this and so now I’ve let it go and asked forgiveness for  an “old me” attitude.

Secondly, the other thing God pointed out is regarding the landscaping wall I’m doing in my yard.  I had my grandsons helping me this weekend and I wanted to get the most of it done with their help.  The kids were eager to help, but it is hard, heavy work lifting those blocks and tearing down the old wall being replaced.  I was going to drive us through the resistance and get as far as my mind saw us getting.  Well, that didn’t happen and yesterday morning God pointed out that He didn’t want me persisting with the wall work on His Day.  So, after I got home from church, the first words out of my grandson’s mouth were, “Grandpa, I don’t think we should be doing the wall today.”  I told him I agreed and that we would enjoy the afternoon relaxing.  This morning God showed me how much my attitude was reflecting my disgust for the unfinished projects my dad would start and then never finish.  I’d hate that.  My drive to get the work done was interfering with the relationship I want to keep with my grandsons.  I’m awake to this now and it feels like a new creation’s work now and not that old me who is dead and in my past.

I truly want to live 24/7 as the new creation God has given me.  I am learning and so grateful that our God is eternally patient.

The faithfulness of God is Amazing.  I don’t know why I’m always surprised by this, but I am human and each time God fulfills what He promises, I shake my head in amazement.  Yesterday I needed to prove to myself that I could live in intimacy as a new creation and not the anxious old man I’d always been.  God not only showed me that I can do this by believing and not begging, but that this world is made up of many more new creations.  I’ve been so focused on what being a new creation is all about for me that I hadn’t opened my eyes to all those around me.  God is making my world bigger all the time.

Today I have another new creation action I’m taking.  I know that it is one God has opened the door to do.  I can write more about it when it would be appropriate to do so.  In times past I’d be anxious about this but not so today.  The assurance that God is the creator of all and we are His servants leaves me trusting and believing.  The beggar is gone now that my eyes are opened.  God is so AMAZING.

Today I am a new creation, a believer and not a beggar.  Also today, in my devotional time I read that the new creation no longer has a sin nature within.  It was replaced with the nature of God through the Holy Spirit and Christ coming into my life when I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior.  If I had ever been taught that at some point in my life, it sure didn’t register.  I have always been so filled with my belief that something as pure as The Holy Spirit just couldn’t take residence in me.  Now God is taking all my old character defects, beliefs, lies of Satan, and replacing them with the truths of Himself and His Team:  Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit.

So many times when people have revelations in their lives like this they say something like:  “I just want to back up 40 years and do this all over again.”  Unless I could change all the first 22 years of my life, I would not want to ever go back.  What is strikingly different for me is my personal desire to live.  I have always enjoyed life from the standpoint of having moments of fun with people and rewarding times in nature with just nature, God and me.  But, the abuse of childhood left me wishing for human life to end so I could live for eternity without the haunts of it.  This is what has truly begun to change for me.  Most of the haunts are gone and I look forward to living life each day.  That is an amazing feeling I hope you have too.

Yesterday was truly a Spring day.  Not only did I get a small start doing the landscaping wall, but I pruned all my raspberries and dug 200 of them to give away tomorrow.  My muscles are sore today but I love this type of “sore”.

I am awakening to living as a new creation 24/7.  A few weeks back I recall writing that the journey had come to a halt momentarily.  I wasn’t going forward, I was actually staying put and God was taking me through a few days of letting go completely the old me and showing me the new creation.  After about 4 days of that I knew I was stepping into the world as a new creation.  All of that went quite well for about 2 weeks.  Now I am learning what it is to be a new creation and live in a sinful world where I am to face temptations, address all the same things I already do and see them through the lens of a believer and not a beggar.  The new creation believes that God has placed me there on purpose.  The beggar believes that he must endure to the end and hope he makes it without stepping into sin.  This change is me through and through.  There is work and discipline connected to this but the reality is showing me that God meant it when He said I am a new creation in Christ.  He is faithfully making this very clear.  How I love Him for this.

It is nice to be into March and it’s a beautiful morning as the sun is rising.  I have all my landscaping blocks here so I can start my “garden work”, yet I have much other work to do so I am in a quandary as to which way I should go.  I’ll probably just get the blocks started so I can at least touch the earth for a moment!

Walking as a new creation is going to take some time and learning for me.  I should know this but I have always had this fantasy mindset that once you know you can do it perfectly.  I’m as bad today as when I was a kid with being hit up along side my head when I fall flat on my face and realize, I didn’t do that so well.  This happened Monday with falling into the beggar mindset of the old me and it started to happen yesterday when I was working with the school district.  I’m realizing the habits of the old me need to be addressed as they pop up.  I struggle to realize I’m still a new creation even when I do have these old habits surface.  It is sure a great thing that our God is so gracious.  The fact that He always see Christ Jesus in me is reassuring that I’m making progress.  These times are growing me into a fuller awareness of my being a new creation–not stepping out of it back into the old.

I do love the fact that God is growing the spirit with me.  The ugliness of the old self is really visible from the lens of the new creation.  I want to be a good learner in this realm.

I joke around a lot about spring coming.  In reality no one wants it here more than I do.  I’m always so glad when this last day of February arrives for Spring does come in March.  Yeah!

Yesterday was a big lesson day.  A week or so ago I posted about God not wanting me to be a beggar, but to be a believer.  I’ve tried to apply that in every aspect of each day since then.  That was until yesterday.  I won’t go into the specifics of what happened, but I very much went into the day begging and not believing.  As the day went on I ended up as a beggar–still wanting.  I didn’t sleep well last night.  God awoke me at 3:30 this am so He and I could work through this.  It wasn’t until I got to my journaling that I was instantly awakened to the truth I was lacking.  I started to ask God why the day had ended the way it did and He immediately informed me that I had started the day begging as the old me had learned to do.  I never even thought of addressing the day believing until it hit me this morning.  Even though I lament the truth of this, I am so glad it happened so the seed of believing can now take root.  I want this new man to be rooted in believing and not fall prey to begging.  After yesterday’s lesson, I know the seed has rooted.

I spend today with a school district.  Tomorrow I get to begin the landscape wall I’m replacing in my yard.  It has been railroad ties for the past 19 years and it’s time to get rid of them.  They became the home for several hornet/wasp nests last summer.  I’m excited to get rolling on this.  The blocks were delivered late yesterday so I can now go to work.  This makes me feel even more like Spring is Here!

Today I started reading in James.  I’ve always called this book the one all about discipline.  If you were a christian you would do this and do that and hurry up and do it because you are on assignment.  Today, however, as I began to actually read it as a new creation, the messages were much more personal and specific.  I know that James was Jesus’ brother.  I’ve often wondered what it was like for him to grow into the awareness of his own brother being his Savior and Lord?  The book of James was obviously written once all of this awakening was done for he truly wants the readers to be on assignment for his Brother–Jesus Christ!

Anger is mentioned several times in chapter one.  I’ve always feared anger due to my growing up years and its abusive use from dad’s own out-of-control anger.  In reading it this time I began to see anger for what it is–an emotion that we are told can be a sin if misused as well as much other insights.  It falls right in line with all the other sin natures.

The other thing this first chapter states is listening to and responding to the Word.  As I was reading it I was also hearing the Word through the lens of a new creation where fear wasn’t present.  Instead, it was with a heart for understanding.  I felt nudges from the Holy Spirit about taking action where He wants me doing so.  I’m coming to understand that the nudges from the Holy Spirit aren’t suggestions–they are The Holy Spirit’s commands for us to obey.  When I asked God about these nudges He said they are spiritual language.  As I become better acquainted with living in the new creation I will get more and more comfortable hearing and responding to them.  It seems a little odd but when I put them in perspective, it isn’t odd at all.  So, today I’m on assignment for God.

Last Friday I was coming off of an impacting, full day from Thursday.  It had left me questioning some of what I do.  I had asked God about it Friday morning in my devotional time.  I was wondering if I was on target doing what He wanted me doing?  He told me to wait until today as He knew my passions were running high and I needed time for my own spirit to calm.  I have never had a message from God like this before.  My mom had told me to always wait three days before I acted on something important.  She said if the desire to act was still present after 3 days then you’d know to act.  God’s passion doesn’t wain, man’s always does.  God was giving me the same message mom had shared with me so many years ago.

Today as I began my devotions it was clear what I was to be doing.  When I get involved with school district’s doing the consulting work I sometimes get overly involved emotionally regarding the needs, etc.  I begin to think I ought to be spending more time doing it rather than pulling away from it.  However, I could not commit to more time with it unless I cut back on the ministry work I do.  In these past couple of days God has made it abundantly clear He wants me doing this ministry work.  I want my passion aligned with His and led on by The Holy Spirit.  Hebrews 12:29 says God is a consuming fire.  His fire is burning inside to help those stuck and lost.  So, I’ll remain doing as I have been.  To God be the Glory!

I just reread yesterday’s post before starting this one.  As I was reading it I thought, “was that only yesterday and the day before that all that happened?”  I awoke this morning in a fog.  The pollens of spring are starting to appear and I’m allergic to most of them.  My eyes burn and my head is rummy.  I started my devotions feeling weary.  My mind was on a couple of the guys I spent time with yesterday and the burdens they are carrying.  While I was into the day yesterday I finished listening to a CD series called BELIEVING GOD by Joyce Meyer. It was helping me frame believing God rather than begging God which I had addressed last Sunday, I think.  However, this morning, in my weariness, I was trying to picture believing and wasn’t making any progress.  I was too weighted down with my old  thinking about my own believing.

As I began my devotions I wrote this struggle in my “Freedom” journal by Graham Cooke. There is no room for this struggle in God’s picture of His Freedom.  I just couldn’t seem to find it today.  My Bible reading was Hebrews 12 (I was rereading it from yesterday.  There is so much meat in it I needed to grasp it more deeply.)  The 28th verse said, “Let us therefore, receiving a kingdom that is firm and stable and cannot be shaken, offer to God pleasing service and acceptable worship with modesty and pious care and godly fear and awe.”  The 29th verse goes on to say–“For our God is indeed a consuming fire.”

As I began my journaling portion of my devotional time I told God I was feeling helpless.  After listening to these men yesterday, I was incapable of giving any assistance.  Instantly God told me I was placing these needs against my beliefs of me.  He reminded me that these needs are to be placed against my belief in HIM.  He went on to say that my beliefs in myself were formed from my childhood abuse both from my brother and dad.  It was time now to acknowledge His healing of those old beliefs now that I’m addressing believing with Him as a new creation.  He began to show me that I’ve been afraid to be touched and to touch due to the sexual abuse.  He now wants me to touch and to be touched because this is part of using my hands and arms for His Glory.  He told me that I have never seen me doing anything good with my hands due to dad’s verbal abuse criticizing any work he saw me do.  God told me to look around my yard and see all that I have built with my hands and have even heard much praise about it.  It is time to let God heal these character defects in my thinking of what He is doing for me and my BELIEVING.  He is truly awakening in me what the scripture says in Philippians 4:13–“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

God told me one more thing I’m hesitant to put into this blog but I will do it because I’m sensing His urging.  He said, “I want you singing.  Your singing gives hope to the down trodden.  Use it for MY GLORY.  There is Light in the gifts I give to My children.  Now go, do it My son.”  This was most tender for me to hear.  My singing has always been my coverup for the lack of anything else worthwhile I could do.  I believed God gave this gift to me just for that reason.  Today God let me know that this too is another character defect in thinking.  I’ve let it go and will believe it is a LIGHT for God’s Glory.  How much I love my Father God!

I said yesterday that it was a day of testing–testing to see if I could stay in the new creation I am in God’s Team:  God Himself, Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit.  It was a rather amazing day.  The drive to the school is a 2.5 hr drive.  I was to be there at 10:00 am.  I left my home at 7:20 to allow a small cushion of time.  By the time I got 40 miles into the trip I was driving into a blizzard which worsened the rest of the way.  Amazingly, I walked into the school at 10:02 am.  We got started on the work only to get interrupted 45 minutes later hearing that school is being cancelled for the rest of the day.  The drifting snow was making it impossible for buses to run on the country roads.  By 1:00 pm we decided to reschedule all that was still needing completed.  This was done and I headed home.  Luckily, 50 miles into the trip home I was out of the snow blizzard and just facing 60 mph winds.  I made it home for the 6:00 pm board meeting.

The board meeting was to be one of stress I thought.  Hours prior to the meeting, there were several emails from some of the board and I had two phone calls from them.  God held us steadfast so that the actual meeting went extremely well.  Far better than I ever dreamed it could.  Two of the board members were unable to attend due to their illnesses.  They happen to be two of the three members who were making the meeting tense (at least for me).

This morning I have a conference call at 8:00 am so I awoke with work on my mind and emotions stirring about yesterday’s outcomes.  I so want to do God’s work but I’m caught wondering if God has been the instigator of all I do or if I’m doing all of it so “I can be doing.”  When I asked God this question He seemed to say, “Give yourself time to be quiet.  Your emotions need to slow down and be calm.  This will allow Us to talk.”  I truly needed to hear that.

God is such an amazing God.  He never wavers from Who He Is and He is so good at keeping me with Him.  I am just now awakening to the truth of this.  I now know that it is His Holy Spirit within me that keeps me with Him.  In all of yesterday’s storms and meeting time God was very present.  I don’t want to pull away from this.  The scripture, Proverbs 3:5&6 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.”  Instead of leaning on my understanding I want to lean on God’s and wait until I know His understanding  before I act.  Thanks be to God my Father.