A few days ago I told you about the anxiousness I was sensing with all the tasks conflicting with one another and my desire to step out of a couple of them. Well, most of them have come and gone and the anxiety is still present. I’ve known all along the big one is the choir production on Dec. 4. It requires most of the songs to be memorized. This one item–memorizing, has always brought out the worst in me regarding anxiety. I would suppose it lies deep within my need to do things perfectly so I don’t fail yet again in trying to please my dad. It is good for me to write this here because it takes the anxiety and places it into a sphere in which I can see it for what it is–fear. All the prep work I’ve needed to do in order to prepare for next week is done except for this production. I’m working on it this morning and the fear makes me want to run rather than tackle it. God had told me to persevere at these times which I’m going to do.
This morning as I was having my devotions I asked God what He wanted me to know from Him today. He reminded me that he never places situations in front of us (me) to cause fear. He does it to bring glory to Himself. I selfishly want to run so I don’t look silly or stupid as I would often feel from dad’s comments while I was growing up. I can step away from this by thanking Him for the opportunity to bring Glory to Him in the situations He has provided for me. As I thanked Him this morning the anxiety lifted. This is truly a lesson where I need to persevere over and over again. The water runs deep with this character defect of mine. To reroute my thinking I will need to thank God and continue this as a daily practice. He also told me to thank Him for the blessings others and I will get by being obedient to surrender. So, for right now, I’m not anxious but surrendered and I’m thankful. I need prayer to stay here and reminders to come back to this discipline as the temptation to fear returns.